Some people believe arts such as painting and music cannot directly improve quality of peoples life, so that governments money should be spent on other things. How far do you agree or disagree?

#people #arts #music #quality #peoples #life #governments #money

Some

section

Fix the agreement mistake

sections

show examples

public

Correct article usage

the public

show examples

feel

Change the verb form

feels

show examples

that quality of life is not enhanced when the

government

invests funds

Change preposition

show examples

arts

like painting and music

instead

it should be spent on other entities. I agree

Change preposition

with

show examples

this

statement to a greater extent with adequate supportive reasons stated below.

First

and foremost,

healthcare

is an important sector which cannot be ignored. During its initial days, Covid-19 had posed a challenge to the entire globe. The

government

was struggling to contain the disease due to poor medical infrastructure and

less

Change the quantifier

fewer

show examples

healthcare

professionals

thus

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

tight patient care.

Hence

, investing

Change preposition

show examples

infrastructure to establish more health clinics or hospitals as well as funding medical education to attract more medical

staffs

Fix the agreement mistake

staff

show examples

will help tackle the problem in near future.

This

will

Correct your spelling

in turn

show examples

inturn

Correct your spelling

in turn

show examples

create many employment opportunities and thereby

quality

Add an article

the quality

show examples

of life will get better.

Secondly

arts

significantly

Add an article

a significantly

the significantly

show examples

smaller segment,

hence

, the revenue generated by music or paintings is substantially less. Employment opportunities produced are

also

significantly lesser when compared to other sectors like

healthcare

and innovation. Lower revenue indicates its poor performance. Investing in

such

Add an article

the such

show examples

field

Correct article usage

a field

show examples

can be a loss to the

government

as it fails to yield adequate profits.

For example

, at any given point in time hospitals will have more customers when compared to an art museum.

However

arts

cannot be ignored and require adequate

government

support through funds to help flourish around. There are still a lot of people in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society who make a living by composing music and painting. Artists have improved their standard of living by practising various forms of art.

For example

, M F Hussain who was a well-renowned artist from India received backing from the Indian

government

financially for promoting art. To summarise, it is realised that

healthcare

requires major financial aid from the authority when compared to

arts

due to the emergence of the pandemic. More fund means the availability of modern infrastructure and health care technology to the general public to tackle the disease.

Submitted by janetjai08 on Thu Sep 15 2022

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

329 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
Smoking is a major cause of serious illness and death throughout the world today. In the interest of the public health, governments should ban cigarettes and other tobacco products. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In recent times, many people smoking and it is a cause of different illnesses so governments should prohibit smoking or taking tobacco.
6.5
band
Nowadays animal experiments are widely used to develop new medicines and to test the safety of other products. Some people argue that these experiments should be banned because it is morally wrong to cause animals to suffer, while others are in favour of them because of their benefits to humanity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Some people argue that using animals as lab rats for medical development is necessary, while others say that it is an inhumane act and should be abolished. Even if they are useful to humans, I believe that the beast should not be treated like a simple scientific experiment.
6.5
band
Some people believe that time spent on television, video and computer games can be valuable for children. Others beleve this may have negative effects on a child's development. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
In modern times, old leisure activities for children, such as sports, reading and board games
8
band
Write a letter to a newspaper editor about the poor condition of a historic building in your area. In the letter you should What building are you writing about? Describe the current condition of the building What should be done in this situation
I am writing to you with regard to a monumental old building closest to us, which is currently at great risk of being completely destroyed.
6.5
band
In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high schools and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.
Youths are the future of the nation, investing in them succumb favourable outcomes. So many countries motivate their high school students to travel or opt for a job for a year before starting their graduating course. That will have considerable advantages in personal development, yet with substantial drawbacks, which will see here in this essay.

Some people believe arts such as painting and music cannot directly improve quality of peoples life, so that governments money should be spent on other things. How far do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Smoking is a major cause of serious illness and death throughout the world today. In the interest of the public health, governments should ban cigarettes and other tobacco products. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that time spent on television, video and computer games can be valuable for children. Others beleve this may have negative effects on a child's development. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Write a letter to a newspaper editor about the poor condition of a historic building in your area. In the letter you should What building are you writing about? Describe the current condition of the building What should be done in this situation

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high schools and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.