Some people believe arts such as painting and music cannot directly improve quality of peoples life, so that governments money should be spent on other things. How far do you agree or disagree?

Some

section

Fix the agreement mistake

sections

show examples

public

Correct article usage

the public

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feel

Change the verb form

feels

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that quality of life is not enhanced when the

government

Use synonyms

invests funds

Change preposition

show examples

arts

Use synonyms

like painting and music

instead

Linking Words

it should be spent on other entities. I agree

Change preposition

with

show examples

this

Linking Words

statement to a greater extent with adequate supportive reasons stated below.

First

Linking Words

and foremost,

healthcare

Use synonyms

is an important sector which cannot be ignored. During its initial days, Covid-19 had posed a challenge to the entire globe. The

government

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was struggling to contain the disease due to poor medical infrastructure and

less

Change the quantifier

fewer

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healthcare

Use synonyms

professionals

thus

Linking Words

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

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tight patient care.

Hence

Linking Words

, investing

Change preposition

show examples

infrastructure to establish more health clinics or hospitals as well as funding medical education to attract more medical

staffs

Fix the agreement mistake

staff

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will help tackle the problem in near future.

This

Linking Words

will

Correct your spelling

in turn

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inturn

Correct your spelling

in turn

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create many employment opportunities and thereby

quality

Add an article

the quality

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of life will get better.

Secondly

Linking Words

arts

Use synonyms

significantly

Add an article

a significantly

the significantly

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smaller segment,

hence

Linking Words

, the revenue generated by music or paintings is substantially less. Employment opportunities produced are

also

Linking Words

significantly lesser when compared to other sectors like

healthcare

Use synonyms

and innovation. Lower revenue indicates its poor performance. Investing in

Linking Words

such

Add an article

the such

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field

Correct article usage

a field

show examples

can be a loss to the

government

Use synonyms

as it fails to yield adequate profits.

For example

Linking Words

, at any given point in time hospitals will have more customers when compared to an art museum.

However

Linking Words

arts

Use synonyms

cannot be ignored and require adequate

government

Use synonyms

support through funds to help flourish around. There are still a lot of people in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society who make a living by composing music and painting. Artists have improved their standard of living by practising various forms of art.

For example

Linking Words

, M F Hussain who was a well-renowned artist from India received backing from the Indian

government

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financially for promoting art. To summarise, it is realised that

healthcare

Use synonyms

requires major financial aid from the authority when compared to

arts

Use synonyms

due to the emergence of the pandemic. More fund means the availability of modern infrastructure and health care technology to the general public to tackle the disease.

janetjai08

Sep 15, 2022

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

329 words

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Some people believe arts such as painting and music cannot directly improve quality of peoples life, so that governments money should be spent on other things. How far do you agree or disagree?

Many large cities are facing house crisis because they cannot provide enough place for new buildings. Some local governments believe that the problem can be solved by repurposing the park land for residential development because this land is better used for houses.

The older people who need employment have to compete with younger ones. What problems can this create? What are some solutions?

Today more and more people want things instantly (e.g.: goods, service, news) Why is this? Is it positive or negative development?

Many people believe that the high levels of violence in films today are causing serious social problems. What are these problems and how could they be reduced?

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.