IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Young people do not spend their holiday and weekend doing outdoor activities like hiking and climbing in natural environment. Why? And how to encourage them to go out？

#people #holiday #weekend #activities #environment #out？
In
this
 contemporary era, adults and children tend to have a sedentary lifestyle and are not engaged in any physical
activities
.A plethora of reasons beyond
this
 phenomenon will be claimed
along with
 the ways to solve that in the next lines before reaching a lucid conclusion. Without any shadow of a doubt,
this
 predominant occurrence is
due to
firstly
,the presence of automatic devices everywhere
such
 as electric vacuums, dishwashers and elevators. They take the place
instead
 of Manual
activities
.
Secondly
, modern technology attracts youth and children to spend long hours in front of screens.
In other words
, they prefer to isolate themselves in their virtual world to do outdoor
activities
. An eminent example is, research conducted by the CDC, (central for
disease control
Correct your spelling
Disease Control
show examples
 and
prevention
Capitalize word
Prevention
show examples
), which revealed that heavy users of electronic gadgets spent around 20 hours on social media during their nonschool hours . Eventually, the high rate of crime hinders the likelihood of cycling or jogging on the streets.
Therefore
, not only younger folk are reluctant to do sports but
also
 they do not find adequate facilities.
Moreover
, to find a solution, the governments should do their role .To illustrate, they ought to build infrastructures ,
for example
, sidewalks,bike lanes and trails to encourage citizens to practice sports.
in addition
 to involving physical education classes in school programmes. Enacting legislation to secure traffic for pedestrians and bicycles, and ensuring safety in neighbourhoods in turn will lead efficiently to increased motion.
For example
, WHO recommends decreasing physical inactivity by 15%by the next year .
Hence
, what can be said is that, if all concerned authorities join their efforts,
This
 issue will be promisingly addressed. Having manifested all the reasonable factors and fruitful remedies,it can be included that
although
 lack of
activities
 is a critical matter, stakeholders can mitigate that by the suitable design of parks and recreations.
Submitted by amer.ebtsam on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay addresses the task prompt effectively by discussing the reasons why young people do not engage in outdoor activities and providing solutions to encourage them to do so. The ideas presented are clear and well-developed, with relevant examples to support them.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, following a logical structure. Ideas are organized cohesively, and transitions between paragraphs are smooth. However, more specific examples could be provided to further enhance coherence and cohesion.
task response
Effective analysis of reasons and solutions related to young people's lack of outdoor activities
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction, body, and conclusion with a logical structure

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: