Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in theri free time. Ohter say that it is imortant for childern to learn how to occupythemselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #part #group #activities #theri #time #ohter #imortant #childern #occupythemselves

Nowadays, it becomes nasasary to learn

extra

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an extra

the extra

show examples

skill

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skills

show examples

for

children

Correct your spelling

survive

service

servive

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serve

this

new era. Some people believe that

to encourage

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encouraging

show examples

children

for

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show examples

participate

Replace the word

participation

show examples

group

Correct your spelling

activities

activites

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activities

in their leisure time, is

best

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the best

show examples

way to learn extra skills, whereas it is argued by some people, that

to learn

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learning

show examples

time management on their own, is more important for

kids

on their own, In my point of view, to do activities as a team

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apply

show examples

is more

benifical

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beneficial

for

kids

This

development helps

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apply

show examples

children

be socialize

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socialize

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and time management can

be learn

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be learned

show examples

Change preposition

through

show examples

Correct your spelling

teamwork

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team work

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teamwork

show examples

Firstly

group

activities produce more ideas and knowledge, which means, individual may

has

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

one or two options to

acomplish

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accomplish

task

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

while working in

group

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a group

show examples

kid

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the kid

show examples

has more than that.

For example

, in Canada a new

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concept

comcept

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concept

has started ,

that is

called " Self Education", in which elder students teach

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their

there

theri

Correct your spelling

their

juniors.

As a result

, young

kids

can have ideas from

theri

Correct your spelling

their

there

siniors

Correct your spelling

seniors

senior

and elder

kids

can develop their management skills. Hance,

group

activites

have multiple benifits.

Correct your spelling

Secondly

Sesondly

Correct your spelling

Secondly

, to learn as

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show examples

individual,

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

has

limitd

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limited

Correct your spelling

benefits

benifits

Correct your spelling

benefits

. In

this

phinominan

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phenomenon

kids

has few means of learning,

such

as books, internet or trainer. To illustrate, a

Correct your spelling

private NGO

private

privateNGO

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private

called " Child

Wellfare

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Welfare

", surveyed

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apply

show examples

children

in 2020 and

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revelled

show examples

reveled

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revealed

show examples

that those

kids

have higher IO

level

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levels

show examples

who learn in

Add an article

a group

show examples

group

Fix the agreement mistake

groups

show examples

compare

Wrong verb form

compared

show examples

who

Correct pronoun usage

those who

show examples

learn

Wrong verb form

learned

show examples

individually.

Moreover

, white learning

alon

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alone

, it is difficult to judge our

dision

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decision

vision

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

Correct your spelling

whether

show examples

wether

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whether

show examples

it is right or wrong.

Thus

group

Correct your spelling

activities

activites

Correct your spelling

activities

produce quick results. In conclusion,

group

Correct your spelling

activities

activites

Correct your spelling

activities

play a paramount role in

children

self development

Add a hyphen

self-development

show examples

However

self study

Add a hyphen

self-study

show examples

is a part of

this

phinominan

Correct your spelling

phenomenon

. I would like to suggest to all parents, that they should encourage their

children

to be socialized, where they can learn from other's

Correct your spelling

mistakes

mistaktes

Correct your spelling

mistakes

Submitted by bhavendra.bhensdadia on Fri Sep 16 2022

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
64Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

296 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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