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Band 6.5

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in theri free time. Ohter say that it is imortant for childern to learn how to occupythemselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #part #group #activities #theri #time #ohter #imortant #childern #occupythemselves
Nowadays, it becomes nasasary to learn
extra
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an extra
the extra
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skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 for
children
 to
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survive
service
servive
Correct your spelling
serve
 in
this
 new era. Some people believe that
to encourage
Change the verb form
encouraging
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children
for
Change preposition
to
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participate
Replace the word
participation
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 in
group
Correct your spelling
activities
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 in their leisure time, is
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
 way to learn extra skills, whereas it is argued by some people, that
to learn
Change the verb form
learning
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 time management on their own, is more important for
kids
 on their own, In my point of view, to do activities as a team
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is more
benifical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for
kids
.
This
 development helps
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
 to
be socialize
Change the verb form
socialize
show examples
 and time management can
be learn
Change the verb form
be learned
show examples
in
Change preposition
through
show examples
Correct your spelling
teamwork
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team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
.
Firstly
,
group
 activities produce more ideas and knowledge, which means, individual may
has
Wrong verb form
have
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 one or two options to
acomplish
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accomplish
 task
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 while working in
group
Add an article
a group
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,
kid
Add an article
the kid
show examples
 has more than that.
For example
, in Canada a new
Correct your spelling
concept
comcept
Correct your spelling
concept
 has started ,
that is
 called " Self Education", in which elder students teach
Correct your spelling
their
there
theri
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their
 juniors.
As a result
, young
kids
 can have ideas from
theri
Correct your spelling
their
there
siniors
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seniors
senior
 and elder
kids
 can develop their management skills. Hance,
group
activites
 have multiple benifits.
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Secondly
Sesondly
Correct your spelling
Secondly
, to learn as
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 individual,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has
limitd
Correct your spelling
limited
Correct your spelling
benefits
benifits
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benefits
. In
this
phinominan
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phenomenon
kids
 has few means of learning,
such
 as books, internet or trainer. To illustrate, a
Correct your spelling
private NGO
private
privateNGO
Correct your spelling
private
 called " Child
Wellfare
Correct your spelling
Welfare
", surveyed
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
 in 2020 and
Change the spelling
revelled
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reveled
Correct your spelling
revealed
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 that those
kids
 have higher IO
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 who learn in
Add an article
a group
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group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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learn
Wrong verb form
learned
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 individually.
Moreover
, white learning
alon
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alone
, it is difficult to judge our
dision
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decision
vision
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
Correct your spelling
whether
show examples
wether
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whether
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 it is right or wrong.
Thus
,
group
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activities
activites
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activities
 produce quick results. In conclusion,
group
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activities
activites
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activities
 play a paramount role in
children
's
self development
Add a hyphen
self-development
show examples
.
However
,
self study
Add a hyphen
self-study
show examples
 is a part of
this
phinominan
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
. I would like to suggest to all parents, that they should encourage their
children
 to be socialized, where they can learn from other's
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mistakes
mistaktes
Correct your spelling
mistakes
.
Submitted by bhavendra.bhensdadia on

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