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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in theri free time. Ohter say that it is imortant for childern to learn how to occupythemselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #part #group #activities #theri #time #ohter #imortant #childern #occupythemselves
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Nowadays, it becomes nasasary to learn
extra
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an extra
the extra
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skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
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 for
children
Use synonyms
 to
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survive
service
servive
Correct your spelling
serve
 in
this
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 new era. Some people believe that
to encourage
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encouraging
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children
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
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participate
Replace the word
participation
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 in
group
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
activities
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 in their leisure time, is
best
Change the article
the best
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 way to learn extra skills, whereas it is argued by some people, that
to learn
Change the verb form
learning
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 time management on their own, is more important for
kids
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 on their own, In my point of view, to do activities as a team
,
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apply
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 is more
benifical
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beneficial
 for
kids
Use synonyms
.
This
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 development helps
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 to
be socialize
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socialize
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 and time management can
be learn
Change the verb form
be learned
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in
Change preposition
through
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Correct your spelling
teamwork
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team work
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teamwork
show examples
.
Firstly
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,
group
Use synonyms
 activities produce more ideas and knowledge, which means, individual may
has
Wrong verb form
have
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 one or two options to
acomplish
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accomplish
 task
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 while working in
Use synonyms
group
Add an article
a group
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,
kid
Add an article
the kid
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 has more than that.
For example
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, in Canada a new
Correct your spelling
concept
comcept
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concept
 has started ,
that is
Linking Words
 called " Self Education", in which elder students teach
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their
there
theri
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their
 juniors.
As a result
Linking Words
, young
kids
Use synonyms
 can have ideas from
theri
Correct your spelling
their
there
siniors
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seniors
senior
 and elder
kids
Use synonyms
 can develop their management skills. Hance,
group
Use synonyms
activites
Use synonyms
 have multiple benifits.
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Secondly
Sesondly
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Secondly
, to learn as
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 individual,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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has
limitd
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limited
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benefits
benifits
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benefits
. In
this
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phinominan
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phenomenon
kids
Use synonyms
 has few means of learning,
such
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 as books, internet or trainer. To illustrate, a
Correct your spelling
private NGO
private
privateNGO
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private
 called " Child
Wellfare
Correct your spelling
Welfare
", surveyed
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 in 2020 and
Change the spelling
revelled
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reveled
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revealed
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 that those
kids
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 have higher IO
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 who learn in
Use synonyms
Add an article
a group
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group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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learn
Wrong verb form
learned
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 individually.
Moreover
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, white learning
alon
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alone
, it is difficult to judge our
dision
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decision
vision
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
Correct your spelling
whether
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wether
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whether
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 it is right or wrong.
Thus
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,
group
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
activities
activites
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activities
 produce quick results. In conclusion,
group
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
activities
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 play a paramount role in
children
Use synonyms
's
self development
Add a hyphen
self-development
show examples
.
However
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,
self study
Add a hyphen
self-study
show examples
 is a part of
this
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phinominan
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
. I would like to suggest to all parents, that they should encourage their
children
Use synonyms
 to be socialized, where they can learn from other's
Correct your spelling
mistakes
mistaktes
Correct your spelling
mistakes
.
Submitted by bhavendra.bhensdadia on

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