IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In the past employees worked for small businesses but now many are working for large businesses. What are the advantages and dis advantages of this trend ?

#employees #businesses #dis #trend
In today's era, a large number of workers have changed their minds to
work
 for big companies. They are attracted to these trends for getting more financial benefits than a smaller company.
Although
employees
 of a big organization have learning limits and can
work
 in only one specialized department, they like to
work
 for availing good salary and
work
 environment. I will discuss the amenities and difficulties of
this
 trend in detail. On the one hand,
employees
 of large
businesses
 have many
facilities
such
 as a handsome salary, a good
work
 environment, a place of long years of
work
, transport
facilities
, medical
facilities
 and many others. They
work
 in one specialized department where
also
Correct pronoun usage
there also
show examples
 remain more colleagues . So their workload is less for helping other colleagues in the same section.
Besides
 most people are seeking now a flexible working place where responsibilities are shared by many. Another reason for working with big business is to get opportunities long period of time.
Moreover
, these business has more buyer and a good reputation in the present market.
As a result
,
employees
 are hoping to be a member of big business and they feel proud to give an introduction to others about them.
On the other hand
,
employees
 of big
businesses
 cannot get the opportunity to learn widely. They have to spend more time learning and cannot
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 decisions independently. They
work
 with a team and decision comes from the team leader.
Due to
 hard rules and regulations, they cannot gather more knowledge as quickly. In conclusion,
employees
 of both
businesses
 have
facilities
 and difficulties.
Employees
 of big
businesses
 get opportunities like good salaries and other social benefits but have limitations for learning more widely than
employees
 of smaller
businesses
.
Submitted by rajonbd07 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Provide more specific examples and data to support the points and make the arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear logical structure, but some transitions could be improved to enhance coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: