It is very important that children should study hard at school. Time spent playing sport is time wasted. Do you agree?
These days, it is debatable
that
children should prioritize intensive study in the classroom rather than spending time on Correct word choice
whether
sport
, which some people believe Fix the agreement mistake
sports
that
Correct word choice
apply
it
wastes valuable time for learning. Correct pronoun usage
apply
While
others including me reckon that sport is one of the most crucial subjects that should be taught in school due to
various benefits. In this
essay, the reasons to support my disagreement with the statement will be explained in the following paragraphs.
First of all, athletics can be the
opportunity to better the well-being of many students. As kids who are experts in a particular sport will be always supported by many sponsors and get scholarships for athletes, they can access higher education for a better future. Correct article usage
an
Moreover
, sports can generate a huge amount of income to feed themselves and family. For example
, Lenado Messi, an eminent soccer player in Argentina, generates 2 million dollars for playing only 2 hours
matches. Correct your spelling
2-hour
Furthermore
, according to
Change preposition
in
the
interview Change the word
their
his
her
with
Change preposition
apply
him
, he revealed that football has absolutely changed his life because it Correct pronoun usage
apply
can transform
his poor life to become the most successful football player in history, which can afford anything in the world.
Wrong verb form
transformed
Secondly
, athletics plays a vital role in improving the mental and physical health of children compared to hard study, which only provides anxiety and stress to kids. In other words
, exercise can relieve unpleasant feelings of monotony. From my experience, cardio at the end
of the day can eliminate my concern about boring and pressured work. In addition
, working out by weight training can enhance my physical body and elevate my confidence. As people who frequently exercise have better health and shape than those who always sit in front of the table, they are prone to be more confident and make everyday life even better.
In conclusion, according to
the aforementioned advantages of sports consisting of getting a good chance in improving livelihood and getting better mental and physical health, I strongly agree that sports is as important as studying classroom, and should not be considered as wasted time activities.Submitted by pantamitsaekong on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction provides a clear overview of the essay's main points and the conclusion summarizes the key arguments presented. Use linking words and phrases to improve the coherence of ideas. Make sure that ideas are logically organized and support the main argument effectively.
task response
Make sure to fully address all parts of the essay prompt with comprehensive ideas and arguments. Also, ensure that examples are relevant and support the main points effectively.