IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

At present time the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults compared with the number of old people.

#time #population #countries #adults #people
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Nowadays, the
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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population of many countries are
the
Correct article usage
apply
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young
matures
Change the verb form
mature
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 and a small
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 are old. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain
about
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apply
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the advantages and disadvantages and
obviously
Add a comma
,obviously
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 benefits overweigh
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
. The
first
Linking Words
 and significant advantage is that lots of sections and parts in companies and factories need the young as their employees because young
people
Use synonyms
 can manage and handle tasks much better than others. I mean, they have more energy.
also
Linking Words
, they have
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 ability to work for long hours each day.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they have a great sense of creativity so they can help society improve in every field. The
second
Linking Words
 positive aspect is that breeding can happen between the age of 20-40 and elder
people
Use synonyms
 are not able to have a baby so we need young
people
Use synonyms
 to have more children and teenagers who could change the future.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
as
Change preposition
for
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instance
Add an article
an instance
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, an old
women
Change the noun form
woman
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does
Change the verb form
do
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 not have enough
patient
Replace the word
patience
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 and physical ability
for
Change preposition
to
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 growing a child.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there is a negative aspect
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 it and it is that we always need the old.
for example
Linking Words
, grandparents are a good source of experiences during our lives and we will be in a safe hand
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 their existence.They have a helping hand whenever we are in need. As an example,you can count on them in looking after your children.
Also
Linking Words
, they often learn us how to be more tolerant and patient in life’s ups and downs. To sum up, having a large
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of young adults in a country has more benefits in comparison to the old. It can make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society’s situation perfect and could be beneficial for all
people
Use synonyms
.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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