IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many cities use parks and farmland to build houses, is it a positive or negative development?

There is a trend that many cities are going to use buildings to replace farmlands and parks. From my perspective, I hold a negative view that the drawbacks
are overweight
Verb problem
outweigh
show examples
 the positive effects. On the one hand, it is
doubtless
Correct word choice
undeniable
show examples
 that constructing more buildings will have some benefits. With the building of apartments, cities can contain more residents and provide a comfortable place for them to live.
For example
Linking Words
, the Chinese government built numerous apartments which can be rented at the lowest price. It can encourage more people to settle down in the city and create more job opportunities, which is beneficial to economic development.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
however
Linking Words
, I believe these benefits are overweight by problems.
Firstly
Linking Words
, a decrease in the park area will lead to environmental problems. Trees can purify pollution and absorb greenhouse gases
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 without enough trees in a city, it will increase the risks of citizens getting illnesses
such
Linking Words
 as coughing and lung diseases. That means more money will be spent on healthcare
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 people will tend to leave the city.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the drop in
farmlands
Fix the agreement mistake
farmland
show examples
 area might be harmful to the agriculture industry. Without enough places to plant
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 and vegetables, the price of agricultural products may increase. Citizens need to spend more money to maintain their daily life
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
this
Linking Words
 tendency might lead to social unrest, which is a serious problem for a country. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 building more buildings using parks and farmland will have some benefits for citizens, the drawbacks are more significant, which will be harmful in both environmental and social aspects.

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task
Make your main idea clear in the first paragraph and keep it in all parts.
evidence
Add more real life facts or examples to back each main point.
coherence
Use more linking words to show how ideas go from one point to the next.
grammar
Check word use. 'outweigh' is the right word, not 'overweight'.
style
Try shorter sentences to avoid long mistakes.
content
The essay sticks to the topic and shows a clear view.
structure
Good use of 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' to show two sides.
final
Conclusion restates view well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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