People who decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it are more likely to have a satisfying working life than those who change jobs frequently. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is often argued that people with a consistent profession at first and still in its path are more pleased in life than those who repeatedly change jobs. I strongly agree with
this
statement because it is more appealing to have a steady salary;
thus
, the person can feel more secure in his financial
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
. With regard to the decision on a career for the first time, it will give you a strong foundation for fulfilling daily needs.
Furthermore
, a stable wage allows one to manage the budget to stay afloat and save more.
Consequently
, your life will remain more secure and diminish stress regarding lack of funding.
For instance
, it is easier for an employee to plan financially when the primary compensation is fixed and allows them to allocate some savings funds consistently.
Moreover
, the potential rise in salary makes the professional more financially secure.
Thus
,
this
positive feeling will support workplace performance and open the chance for promotion and higher earnings.
In addition
, it can give a guarantee in retirement budget planning.
Hence
, financial security will result in a satisfying life. It can be seen in my parent's experience; they saved at least 10% of their monthly salary when they worked. By the time they are retired, they can stay afloat from their saving and avoid their children being sandwich generation.
To sum up
,
although
changing jobs frequently for some people is more challenging and satisfies them, I am confident that sticking to one career will fulfil you more because of a steady pay guarantee and secure your finances.
Submitted by afirahma on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Task response: The essay provides a clear opinion but lacks depth and development. It would benefit from a more in-depth analysis of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The essay has a basic logical structure and presents ideas in a somewhat organized manner. It would benefit from stronger connections between ideas and more cohesive linking devices.
lexical resource
Lexical resource: The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there are instances of imprecise word choices and awkward phrasing. Aim for more accuracy and clarity in expression.
grammatical range
Grammatical range: The essay demonstrates a reasonable control of grammar and sentence structure. However, there are some errors and awkward constructions that affect clarity.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: