IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think competitions inside and outside of school is necessary for children to prepare for their future. Others think its bad. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

It is considered that
school
Use synonyms
 spirit competitions are helpful to create
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
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 personality
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 several
consequencesof
Correct your spelling
consequences of
this
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 action.In the following
paragraphs
Add a comma
paragraphs,
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 I will discuss both sides and provide my own opinion.  On the one hand, when children get used to
highly
Correct article usage
a highly
show examples
 competitive
atmosphere
Use synonyms
 at
school
Use synonyms
, they will always have a wish to be the best version of themselves and try to improve their knowledge every time. Education in
Nazarbayev
Correct article usage
the Nazarbayev
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 intellectual
school
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,
for instance
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,
based
Verb problem
is based
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 on
powerful
Correct article usage
a powerful
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 attitude of students and olympiads are valuable there.
As a result
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, since
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 get enrolled
to
Change preposition
on
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 the NIS,
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 get used to
forceful
Correct article usage
a forceful
show examples
atmosphere
Use synonyms
 at
school
Use synonyms
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 well as always try to show
himself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
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on
Change preposition
in
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 good
side
Check wording
light
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. 
Additionally
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, in olympiads
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 can feel an
atmosphere
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 of adult life,
conseqnently
Correct your spelling
consequently
 they will create new creative ideas with
a
Correct article usage
the
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 purpose of
be
Wrong verb form
being
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 unique.
Additionally
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, it is significant to maintain national,
republic
Replace the word
republican
show examples
honors
Change the spelling
honours
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 when you are applying to overseas colleges as MIT,Stanford and etc.
Hence
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, it is good to add
competetive
Correct your spelling
competitive
 options in order to create students with mighty
characteristic
Fix the agreement mistake
characteristics
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it may lead to several consequences,
such
Linking Words
 as fear of making mistakes and having an
exellent
Correct your spelling
excellent
student
Use synonyms
 syndrome. It is an enormous mental health burden and leads to
suicidical
Correct your spelling
suicidal
 tendencies, loss of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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meaning of life in case of failure. In
this
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way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
 professors should provide support in order to prevent spoiled
outcome
Fix the agreement mistake
outcomes
show examples
.
Hence
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, mental support is a crucial way to avoid
mental
Correct article usage
a mental
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 breakdown of a
student
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
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, having
highly
Correct article usage
a highly
show examples
 competitive
atmosphere
Use synonyms
 at
school
Use synonyms
its
Use the right word
is
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great
Correct article usage
a great
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opportinity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 to upbringing
smart
Correct article usage
a smart
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 generation;
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
however,
show examples
psycological
Correct your spelling
psychological
 support should be added to. In my personal opinion, the advantages of having olympiads at
school
Use synonyms
 outweigh the
disdvantages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
.

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Task response
Your essay has a plan with two sides and a view. Add more clear real examples and explain them.
Coherence and cohesion
Use better flow between parts. Use 'first', 'also', 'however', 'in addition' to connect ideas.
Grammar
Fix grammar and spelling. Break long sentences and use proper punctuation.
Vocabulary
Choose simple, clear words. Avoid hard or rare words.
Content
Clear plan with two sides and a clear view.
Structure
Intro, body, and final conclusion are present.
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