IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

some people say that advetising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things . others people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it . discuss both the views and give your opinion?

#people #attention
The issue of
advertisements
manipulates
Wrong verb form
manipulating
show examples
people
 to buy
things
 has grown in importance over the past few decades. A group of individuals presents the view that the advertisement is of paramount importance. It can encourage
people
 to purchase goods, whereas others believe that
people
 do not pay attention to
Add an article
the
show examples
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
. I strongly agree with the former opinion. On the one hand, some
people
 justifiably argue that
advertisements
 can have a positive effect on
people
's opinions.
Thus
, a vast number of
people
 can easily be influenced by
advertisements
 and are compelled to purchase goods which do not need.
For instance
, big companies use eye-catching billboards so as to attract the attention of customers to buy many useless
things
.
On the other hand
, another group of
people
 claim that
advertisements
 are established in many places, and
people
 do not pay attention to them a lot. They insist that
people
 do not buy products which are not useful to them. I do not find
this
 argument convincing as children can persuade their parents to provide goods which watch on billboards or on Television and on social media.
Although
 parents are not willing to acquire
things
, they are forced to. To conclude, in my view, advertisement plays a vital role in
people
's decisions.
As a result
 of
this
 point,
people
 lead
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
satisfaction to
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
 companies’ favourite stuff.
Moreover
, sometimes, children compel their families to supply
things
 which their parents do not like to do it.
Submitted by tp_esteghlal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
What to do next:
Look at other essays: