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Writing Samples
Band 5

Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#children #families #amounts #money #adult #life #parents
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Nowadays, some people say that
children
Use synonyms
 who are grown
in
Change preposition
up in
show examples
 poor
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
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 tend to have
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 ability to solve the
troubles
Use synonyms
 in adult life compared with
children
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 raised
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
by rich parents. I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion.
Children
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 in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poor
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 face many
problems
Use synonyms
 in their process of growth. Because the lack of the amount of money, they sometimes have to give up their enrollment
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 university or
gaining
Wrong verb form
gain
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 a job that they can
passionate
Add a missing verb
be passionate
show examples
 about it. Through these experiences, they learn the being of
problems
Use synonyms
 that cannot be solved without
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wealth and they will give up easily to stand the
troubles
Use synonyms
 in adult life.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
children
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grew
Correct pronoun usage
who grew
show examples
 up in rich
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
show examples
 have many experiences that the wealth brake down the
problems
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.
For example
Linking Words
, when a child is bullied in a public elementary school, wealthy parents can decide
him
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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to quit the school and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
enter
the
Remove the article
apply
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another private school
Change preposition
in which
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which
Correct word choice
where
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 the tuition is expensive.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 in
wealthy
Add an article
the wealthy
show examples
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
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 can have a variety of
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
,
for instance
Linking Words
,
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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, studying abroad and entering
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university, to nourish their abilities. In these environments,
children
Use synonyms
 can nourish their abilities to tackle the
troubles
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their future. To conclude, I disagree
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
 statement that
children
Use synonyms
 who are raised in a poor family tend to have
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 ability to deal with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
problems
Use synonyms
 rather than
children
Use synonyms
 who grew up in a wealthy
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
. While the former will tend to become a person who easily
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 up by experiencing many things caused by lack of money, the latter will acquire the ability to solve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
troubles
Use synonyms
 by having many meaningful and rich experiences.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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