IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Some say that the most important thing about being rich is that one has the opportunity to help others. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#say #opportunity
The ability to help
others
 is considered by some
people
that is
 the most important thing
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 being wealthy. In my opinion, I absolutely agree that
people
 who have more should share
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
whom
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 who have less which would lead to
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
society
Replace the word
social
show examples
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
. The ability to share and support
others
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 great gift to individuals as the result of gaining happiness in return. Seeing someone
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
as a result
 of your help is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 great present and always
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 happiness to that person. More than that,
this
 cycle
Correct your spelling
will
wii
Correct your spelling
will
 never
end
Correct subject-verb agreement
ends
show examples
, in
others
Correct pronoun usage
other
show examples
 words,
people
 who received
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
help before tend to help other
people
 more which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to
positive
Add an article
the positive
show examples
 and happy environment
as a result
. For these reasons, being able to help
others
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 one's wealth is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 great opportunity
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 important role in
built
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
 up
happy
Correct article usage
a happy
show examples
 and positive
society
.
In addition
, helping
people
 is the symbol of kindness which
essential
Add a missing verb
is essential
show examples
 in
today
Change noun form
today's
show examples
society
 due to the fact that kindness is the
fundermental
Correct your spelling
fundamental
 thing that
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 to
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
society
. Helping
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 is not a big deal, especially when individuals have
ability
Change the article
the ability
show examples
 to do so, but it is
the
Change the article
a
show examples
 great deal for
people
 who get help as they can improve their lives
afterward
Change the spelling
afterwards
show examples
.
Therefore
, more and more
people
 should help
others
 more according to their abilities
Submitted by clairchengun on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: