In many societies in the world, the population is ageing that leads to increase in cost of public healthcare. A nation’s population should pay for that. Agree, Disagree

With modernisation, advanced techniques in the
health
sector enhance the life expectancy of the population which leads to an increased ageing society. Most countries provide well-being facilities for free through taxes or subsidies.
However
, some are complaining about a lack of money in comparison to the aged populace which can make their
health
system unsustainable. I
also
agree with
this
notion and there is a need to change the strategies for changing future reality.
To begin
with,
Health
facilities should be free as the nation’s community
pay
Correct subject-verb agreement
pays
show examples
several types of taxes to the Government. So it became the authorities' responsibility to pay for energy services for the aged community.
For Instance
, A study revealed that despite the fact that 40% of funding is provided for the
health
sector
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, a proportion of about 25% gets spent on senior citizens which leads to an extra burden on the annual budget of the Government because there is inequality in strength services for all citizens. If we need standardised strength care
then
without a doubt
this
funding problem should be alleviated. One way to do so is through people’s help if they adopt private fitness facilities as per their efficiency.
Although
,
this
solution is not beneficial for everyone it can reduce financial tension on well-being standards up to some extent.
Moreover
,
Instead
of carelessness, elders should take good care of themselves to avoid hospitalisation and preserve the nation's economy. In conclusion, the Old people are a part of society but expenditure on their energy risked the sustainability of fitness infrastructure. The need is to maintain it with appropriate funding without risking the whole society.
Submitted by sonudosanjh12329 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your essay moderately addresses the task overall, but there are areas where you could be more specific and provide deeper analysis.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks clear introduction and conclusion, and the coherence of ideas could be improved with better organization.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: