IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Your children go to a local school that requires volunteers to accompany school science trips Write a letter to the school to apply to be a volunteer. In the letter: - Introduce yourself and give details of your children who attend the school - Explain why you are interested in the position - Talk about any relevant experience that you have with children

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Hello Mr. Jhon, I hope you are doing well. I am Harsh Desai. My son, Deep Desai is a student at your school. I have learned that you are seeking a few volunteers for a science trip. I am eager to tell you that Deep is extremely interested in participating in that. Since he is very keen on science, that would be really beneficial for him to engage in
this
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 kind of activity. There he can learn numerous skills and gain an ample amount of knowledge. As a father, I would feel proud if he could show his capabilities and get noticed by someone.
Moreover
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, from the experience I had. Once he participated in a science fair in his previous school. He and I worked together on his project. I was astonished by his potential when I saw him working. He had already learned a lot of skills by himself so I can say he is a very good self-learner. I am assured that his presence on the trip will be an asset to the school. I really appreciate you for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response. Yours sincerely, Harsh Desai

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Task Response
To improve your task response, make sure to address all parts of the prompt clearly. You should introduce yourself more thoroughly, mentioning your relationship to your child (which you've done), but the purpose of the letter to volunteer for the science trip, rather than to only express your child's interest, should be made explicit. Talk explicitly about your desire to volunteer and what you can bring to the role.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on structuring your paragraphs more effectively around single ideas. Each paragraph should clearly address different aspects of the prompt. The introduction should outline what the letter will cover. The next paragraphs should, respectively, explain your interest in volunteering, and then discuss any relevant experience. You've talked about your child's interest and capabilities, but the focus should be on your characteristics and suitability for the volunteering role.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use connectors and transition phrases more effectively to guide the reader through your reasoning and the structure of your letter. This will improve the logical flow and make your writing feel more cohesive.
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