IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

People are consuming more and more sugar-based drinks. Why? What can be done to reduce sugary drink consumption?

#people #drinks #drink #consumption
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In
this
 recent years, citizens are being overweight due to consuming soft
drinks
. There are several reasons related to
this
 problem, which can be addressed by using some appropriate measures. Most companies these days aimed to make profits without thinking about the consequences to their consumers. Organizations can advertise their products on social media to attract
people
, Take the brand TocoToco milk tea
for
Add the comma(s)
,for
show examples
 example, it appears frequently on FaceBook,
TikTok
Correct word choice
and TikTok
show examples
 and gives free discounts on beverages.
As a result
, Individuals, especially youngsters will be addicted to sugar-based
drinks
 due to the reasonable prices, which leads to some life-threatening conditions,
such
 as diabetes,
cancer
Correct word choice
and cancer
show examples
. Despite the negative effects, many
people
 are still using those
drinks
 because of the tastiness
its
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 bring to users As the disadvantages of
drinks
 contain sugar, some measures have to be suggested to tackle
this
 issue.
Firstly
, the government should impose heavy taxes on soft
drinks
 to limit citizens' usage.
This
 will stop consumers purchase unhealthy
drinks
 and seek for purity water, which keeps their teeth as healthy as they used to be.
Furthermore
,
People
 who are anti-soft
drinks
 can launch health awareness campaigns to motivate others to stop consuming sugar-based
drinks
.
For instance
, Inhabitants might require funding from the authorities to advertise the outcomes of sugar on many billboards.
Therefore
, A trend of not using unhealthy products can be pushed to climaxes, which will print to
people
's minds about the disadvantages of those products. In conclusion,
although
 companies are creating ways to advertise their unhealthy
drinks
, some measures can be brought out to solve the problem.
Submitted by TommyEnderxxxroblox on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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