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Writing Samples
Band 5

The machines are now doing many things that use to be done in the home by hand. Advantages and disadvantages?

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Nowadays, apparatus
became
Wrong verb form
has become
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 an irreplaceable part of our daily life.
However
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, these types of machinery made human life comfortable, but they impacted badly on folk’s health because of no physical efforts at work. In
this
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 essay, I will outline both the pros and the cons through valid arguments.
To begin
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 with, the major benefit of using machinery is time-saving.
Instead
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 of waiting to finish a chore by hand, these technical gadgets completed that task within
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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minutes.
For Instance
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, microwaves, Washing machines and so on save pace that can be inculcated in other developmental things related to house or business. Apart from that, these instruments worked effortlessly and efficiently as Grinders used to grind spices, which is a pretty excruciating job manually.
Thus
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, all these tools bring comfort, relaxation and hour management. On the flip side, the main downside is that people are deteriorating their wealth by relying on these appliances because they are adopting a sedentary lifestyle and avoiding any work related to manual touch.
For example
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, WHO revealed a study that 50% populace is affected by dependency on technology
as a result
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 of which human beings are suffering from prevalent diseases
such
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 as obesity and heart attack.
Moreover
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, these engines consume loads of electricity. Despite usage for less term, they made the community pay millions of dollars every year. Needless to say, drawbacks are poor health and excessive electrical use. In conclusion,
although
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 the use of devices in domestic tasks provides convenience some citizens
opposed
Wrong verb form
oppose
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 them
due to
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 well-being destruction
due to
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 over-dependency.
Nevertheless
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, if demerits can be avoided with stringent regulations for betterment
then
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 no one can deny the positive aspects of technical home accessories.

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coherence and cohesion
Work on providing a clear and concise introduction and conclusion that summarizes the main points effectively. Focus on structuring the essay with clear topic sentences for each paragraph and ensuring the ideas flow logically from one to the next.
task achievement
Ensure that all aspects of the prompt are addressed adequately, and relevant examples and arguments are provided to support the points. Consider providing more comprehensive explanations and examples to strengthen the overall response.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Automation
  • Multitasking
  • Consistency
  • Manual labor
  • Skill atrophy
  • Over-reliance
  • Job displacement
  • Ecological footprint
  • Innovative appliances
  • Technological dependence
  • Energy consumption
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