IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many young people spend a lot of time on the Internet without any parental supervision or control. What are some of the problems caused by unrestricted use of the Internet and what can be done to curb these problems?

#people #time #internet #supervision #control
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Internet
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The Internet
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 has played an important role in our lives since it was invented in 1983.
However
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,
beside
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besides
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 some advantages, it brings several negative
impact
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impacts
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especially
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,especially
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 to young people who use almost their
time
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 on it without parental management. In
this
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 essay, I am going to mention some issues caused by using
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
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 closely; and
then
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 suggest some solutions to deal with those
problems
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. Spending a lot of
time
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 without any parental control causes many
problems
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. One major issue is
tendency
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a tendency
the tendency
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 for teenagers to play computer games for hours and neglect their studies. If they stay up late, they will have
troubles
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trouble
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 getting up
in
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apply
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the
next
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 morning for
schools
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school
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 or
universities
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university
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. Another issue is
health
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a health
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problem
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problems
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 because of sitting down in front of
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computer
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computer’
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computer
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 screens all day. If young people waste so much
time
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 online and do no
exercises
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exercise
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,
this
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 can lead to overweight, eye
strains
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strain
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 and health
problems
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.
In addition
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,
cyber crime
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cybercrime
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 is more and more increasing. Posting
photo
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photos
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onto
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on
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 Facebook, you can lose your privacy or contacting strangers on social networking sites can bring you dozens of
problems
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. There are several actions that could be taken to eradicate the
problems
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 mentioned above.
Firstly
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, a simple solution would be to increase outdoor activities. Parents should allocate their
time
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 to go out with their children. Being
outdoor
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outdoors
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 not only
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 them leave their computers far away
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 improve their health. A
second
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 measure would be for governments to boost network security to protect users. In conclusion, frequent use of the Internet may take young people many serious
problems
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, but
this
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 can be tackled by effective parental control.
Submitted by minhnguyenvic on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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