IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

#change #hometown #support
Updation of the road system has significant matter for the better development of the cities to bring more tourists so as my hometown as well due to several reasons and
also
 needed a lot of changes
such
 as in the road safety and many more which has been elaborated in upcoming paragraphs. To commence with, my birthplace which is
also
 my hometown requires tremendous updation in terms of roads, transportation systems, and residential areas.
Firstly
, In some areas
such
 as main markets or while going to the bus station the roads are damaged due to heavy rain recently as a consequence, there are so many holes in the road and at some places which really need repairment urgently as it had caused a lot of accidents published in the recent news.
Secondly
, transportation service is really worse in my area as their arrival and departure time is unexpected and inappropriate which left a bad impact on the society in terms of losing their job and so on. Apart from mentioned some positive innovations in my site by converting bad modifications into good ,changes I would like to mention some various changes from good to good
such
 as the local ticket prices for fares already have declined due to its high demand that could be more demanded if there would be some brouchers associated with it.
for example
,
Last
 week, my cousin bought a ticket to go to Ladakh from Chandigarh has been purchased and she shared with me
this
 idea of updating which would be considered very obvious. To conclude,
Although
 my land needed some development
such
 as the street system, and transportation system, still there are a lot of things which are still the attraction for the visitors like parts, cinemas , malls some traditional places.
Submitted by mg8583934 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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