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Band 5

After leaving school or university, young people should choose a job or career that they love, rather than one that pays the best salary. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#school #university #people #job #career #love #salary
It is argued that
people
 who graduate
institutes
Change preposition
from institutes
show examples
 or schools after
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
ought to opt for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
 which is
interesting
Correct quantifier usage
more interesting
show examples
 than the highest salary. I completely agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 view and think that the choice of
interesting
Correct article usage
an interesting
show examples
 occupation is much more beneficial than
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 wage.
First
 of all, I believe that having a job
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
 which is interesting for them is bring way more boons.
In other words
, doing
work
what
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 you like might help to increase
the
Change the word
your
show examples
 productivity of the
work
, and it
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
career progression. Take an example,  
although
 the famous writer was born
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 wealthy family,
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
 he did not
continued
Change the verb form
continue
show examples
 the business of
family
Correct pronoun usage
his family
show examples
 members,  and he tried to be a writer, and after lots of challenges and ups and
downs
Add a comma
,downs
show examples
 he became
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 iconic writer
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all over the world.
Thus
,
people
 should
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
choose
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of
work
 that carry awful lot mod cons.
Second
 of all, doing
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
work
 which you want makes you happy and
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 your career.
That is
 to say
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if you
work
 with passionate curiosity and
then
 it can help to
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 the mood and to add the effectiveness to
work
, and
this
 consequence cause to increase the rank of workers and even he or she may take a high wages duration of working.
For instance
, the millionaire Bill Gates was
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
passionate about
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
Add an article
a computer
show examples
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 and
to do
Change the verb form
doing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
everything, and  after
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
some
years
Add a comma
,years
show examples
 he became the world’s
first
 fortune and
richest
Add an article
the richest
a richest
show examples
 person
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
 field.
That is
 why
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
people
 must
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
elect the
work
 which
you
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 like to be a tickled pink person and achieve
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unbelievable results. To recapitulate, I strongly believe that
to choose
Change the verb form
choosing
show examples
 a job which you like is much more  advantageous
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it makes some benefits and
to help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
happier
Add a missing verb
be happier
show examples
.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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