IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some feel governments, rather than private companies, should be in charge of medical services. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#feel #governments #companies #charge #services
There are debates about whether
health
services
 should be provided by
governments
 or private sectors. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 getting a
health
 service is a basic human right, so I strongly support the idea that public
health
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
 should be available for everyone. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss both ideas to make a conclusion. Nowadays capitalistic system let private companies stand a big role in every industry,
therefore
 one of the main
industry
Fix the agreement mistake
industries
show examples
 is
medical
Add an article
the medical
show examples
 sector. Of
course
Add a comma
,course
show examples
 it creates
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
competition,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quicker development,
better
Correct word choice
and better
show examples
services
. Public hospitals are mostly too crowded and busy and often can not offer instant service.
For example
, in
Mongolia
Add a comma
,Mongolia
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 have to reserve a
doctor
Change noun form
doctor's
show examples
 appointment at least one month
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prior and sometimes it can cause
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
fraud in
this
 situation.
However
 the essential feature of capitalism is the motive to make
profit
Add an article
a profit
show examples
,
hence
 we should carefully consider whether our people`s
health
 should be
relying
Wrong verb form
rely
show examples
 on profit. Administrations of every country
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 responsible for their people`s safety,
health
 and
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
.
Governments
 run their own medical systems, people will have equal opportunities to receive medical
services
 regardless of their financial status. To be more specific, there are some cases,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
after private companies took over medical
services
 from
governments
, the price for
services
such
 as general checkups and surgeries
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 increased significantly.
Consequently
, it has become burdensome for people to go to the hospital because of its cost. In conclusion, medical
services
 are far better to be run by
governments
 for several reasons.
Governments
 can offer equal chances for people to get medical
services
 without discrimination of both wealth and region.
In addition
 to that, private insurance will be an option not compulsory in order to receive medical
services
.
Submitted by nsarangua on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental human right
  • equitable access
  • government-run healthcare
  • economies of scale
  • negotiate
  • healthcare costs
  • profit motives
  • compromised healthcare
  • health inequities
  • accountable
  • public health objectives
  • reinvest
  • infrastructure
What to do next:
Look at other essays: