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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays computer education is compulsory for learners in most schools. Do you think it is necessary or will children acquire these skills naturally from their day interaction with technology everywhere? Discuss both and give your opinion.

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In today's rapidly evolving world,
computer
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science
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 is mandatory for
students
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 in most
schools
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.
While
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students
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 can acquire technological
skills
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 through their everyday experiences, I firmly believe that
schools
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 can play an indispensable role in developing a better understanding of screens and encouraging
students
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 to use them responsibly. One of the major benefits of learning
computer
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science
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 in
schools
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 is that it enables
students
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 to deepen their understanding of various areas
such
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 as artificial intelligence and software programming. These areas contribute significantly to improving
children
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's digital
skills
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, which are highly valued in today's labour market, resulting in long-term beneficial consequences in their future lives.
Moreover
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,
schools
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 can encourage
children
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 to use screens more responsibly, which can reduce technological dependence that leads to serious health problems
such
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 as stress, obesity, and depression.
For instance
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, advanced digital literacy can enable
children
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 to conduct research on various subjects efficiently, which can help them improve their education
while
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 developing essential
skills
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, including creativity, independence, and confidence.
Thus
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, studying
computer
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science
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 at school can lay the foundation for personal, educational, and professional development,
while
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 decreasing the risks of
wrong
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bad
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 habits
such
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 as overreliance on screens.
However
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,
children
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 can gain technological
skills
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 through real-life experiences, and
overemphasizing
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overemphasising
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such
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skills
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 leaves them with limited opportunities and less energy to study other subjects, thereby increasing educational stress levels
which
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, which
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 can reduce their productivity and raise the risks of mental challenges.
For example
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, overdependence on studying
computer
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science
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 may discourage
students
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 from pursuing
this
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 field, which can significantly affect their educational performance, resulting in poor grades and a lack of digital literacy.
Hence
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, excessive focus on
computer
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science
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 can bring about detrimental consequences
such
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 as mental health issues.
To sum up
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,
while
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students
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 can be equipped with digital
skills
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 through real-life experiences, studying
computer
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science
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 in
schools
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 can act as a catalyst for their personal and professional development.
Therefore
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, a balanced approach to learning
such
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skills
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 can yield sustainable development
while
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 decreasing the risks threatening
children
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's academic performance and
overall
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 well-being.

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task response
Answer both sides more evenly. You support school learning well, but the other side is shorter and less clear.
task response
Give one more clear example for how children learn tech skills at home or in daily life.
task response
Some ideas are a bit too broad. Make each main point more direct and easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. Keep this structure.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some lines are long, so the reader may lose the main point.
coherence and cohesion
Make the second body paragraph as full as the first one, with stronger support.
task response
You clearly give your opinion and keep it to the end.
task response
You discuss both views, so you answer the full question.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and clear.
coherence and cohesion
Most paragraphs stay on one main idea, which helps the reader.
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