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Writing Samples
Band 4

Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. What do you think is the reason for this? Is this a positive or negative developments?

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In recent days, a highly controversial issue
whether
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apply
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relating to the pros and cons of shopping especially, in
the
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apply
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leisure
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time
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times
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time
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. In
this
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 essay, I am going to examine the phenomenon from both viewpoints and I will support real _
relavant
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relevant
 examples.
To begin
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 with, in the modern
day
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day,
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 a plethora of
people
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 tend to go shopping in their free
time
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. The critical positive side behind
that is
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 some individuals view that it brings pleasure for them because they get whatever they like. A good illustration here is there are
last
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 studies held in different areas around the world are obvious that most young
people
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 assert that their free
time
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 became related to buying various items from shops.
Moreover
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, shopping is regarded optimal opportunity to help
people
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 get chilled and comfortable.
In addition
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, when
the
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society member fills their
time
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 going shopping can decrease the number of crimes committed by those who have never known what to do in their free
time
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 .
For instance
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, the recent rate decrease of crimes in various
worlds
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world
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 parts refers to overspending
people
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's free
time
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 shopping. Despite , the significance of shopping, still some
persons
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people
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 prefer never to spend their free
time
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 purchasing from shops .they believe that may lead to numerous effects.
Firstly
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, when humans are extravagant to go shopping may lose their budgets .
For example
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, many families face difficult circumstances
as a result
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 of west their financial capital to go shopping.
Furthermore
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, sometimes
people
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 tend to borrow
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due
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to gain items even individuals they don't need.
For instance
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, a large number of teenagers become collect different items without any target. In conclusion, in current days a huge number of
people
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 view shopping as a crucial way to obtain whatever they need in their free
time
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.,
therefore
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, In my opinion, the positive is waightovering the negative .

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are somewhat present but need improvement. Make sure to clearly state your position and summarize your points.
Task Achievement
Your essay shows a partial response to the task. Make sure to fully address all aspects of the question and clearly express your opinion.
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