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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

#people #music #cultures #ages
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Some
individuals
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 are of the opinion that, the right
way
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 of connecting
people
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 of different
origin
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origins
show examples
 and
ages
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 is through songs. I agree with them but I still think there are other ways through which these
people
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 can be united other than
music
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.
This
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 essay will argue why
music
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 is not the only good
way
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 of uniting
people
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 of different
ages
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 and
origin
Fix the agreement mistake
origins
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. The reason why some
people
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 think that song is a good
way
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 through which
individuals
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 of different origin and of different
ages
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 come together might be because
in
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,in
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 every ceremony in a community, there is always an element of
music
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 where
people
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 of different
ages
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 comes to dance away their sorrows and bond better.
Furthermore
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,
music
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 gives motivation to
people
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for
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,for
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 instance, soldiers of every tribe
has
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have
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 their chants which they sing while going
for
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to
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 war, and
this
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 motivates them and gives them
spirit
Add an article
the spirit
a spirit
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 of oneness to stick to each other
therefore
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 uniting them.
Lastly
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, a singer from another tribe can be called to sing a song elsewhere even where
people
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 don't understand his language but with his song,
people
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 will love and understand him thereby creating a bond with him and his
people
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. Meanwhile, there are other means of connecting
individuals
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 of different
ages
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 and ethnicity.
This
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 can be through plays and
people
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 engaged in plays are too many and they are of different
ages
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. These plays
tells
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tell
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 stories of
people
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's different cultures and backgrounds making the audience aware of these other tribes thereby creating the spirit of oneness. The
second
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way
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 is through Schools. Different
people
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 of different backgrounds come together in a school to learn
therefore
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 enabling them
mix
Add the particle
to mix
show examples
 together and learn from each other.
This
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 can lead to unity amongst the different tribes.
Linking Words
Lastly
Add a comma
,Lastly
show examples
 the
church
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 is another
way
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 of uniting the public.
People
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 of different backgrounds attend
church
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 services and programs most of them hold important positions in
church
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 and with the teachings in
church
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 about oneness, they get to grow in love with one another and be comfortable with other
people
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 thereby uniting them. In conclusion, while some see
music
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 as a good
way
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 of uniting
individuals
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 of different
ages
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 and ethnicity, there are other ways like through plays, schools and
church
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 by which
people
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 are united and I agree with them.
Submitted by Nwokololucy on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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