"There are varying opinions regarding the enjoyment movies bring when viewed in different modes. Some people say that now we can see films on our phones or tablets and there is no need to go to the cinema."

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It is a commonly held belief that people should watch films in a
cinema
Use synonyms
because of get
extremely
Change the word
extreme
show examples
pleasure
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
while
Linking Words
considering technology period, other ones claim we have to track movies on phone on other smart
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
. I lean a little beat toward the second view,
although
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these both have special features. One obvious upside to
observe
Wrong verb form
observing
show examples
the film in a movie house is high quality.
While
Linking Words
watching HD film
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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wider screen and
Linking Words
besides
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in the comfortable armchairs,
eye-catching
Correct word choice
and eye-catching
show examples
cinema
Use synonyms
hall, the person who watches
movie
Correct article usage
the movie
show examples
gets great pleasure. A second possible advantage is
this
Linking Words
place embraces much more convenience and elegant space. In view of the fact that, in
this
Linking Words
case
Add a comma
case,
show examples
we can spend our leisure time efficiently doing both observing film and being
together with
Linking Words
friends. As regards the benefit of watching movies on
the
Correct article usage
a
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phone, tablet or another innovative
facilities
Fix the agreement mistake
facility
show examples
is to save
your
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
money
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
apply
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without going to the
cinema
Use synonyms
. Even if some applications
such
Linking Words
as Netflix,
Disney
Correct word choice
and Disney
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are
utilizing
Wrong verb form
utilised
show examples
to track the drama, it will
yet
Rephrase
apply
show examples
save the bulk of your money.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, using technology
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
to observe films
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
capable
to protect
Change preposition
of protecting
show examples
waste of time.
Because we
Correct word choice
We
show examples
can watch it between two activities as follows
waiting
Add the preposition
waiting for
show examples
something else like a bus, taxi or
while
Linking Words
going to work.
To conclude
Linking Words
, both
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
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have
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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special benefits.
Consider
Wrong verb form
Considering
show examples
these all, despite watching the drama on
phone
Correct article usage
the phone
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has
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
more advantages as
save
Wrong verb form
saving
show examples
some valuable things like time or money,
cinema
Use synonyms
embraces huge enjoyment and
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fun for people.
Submitted by nubar_hasannzada on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the organization of ideas to present a clear and well-structured argument. Use appropriate and relevant examples to support your points. Pay attention to punctuation and grammar for clearer expression.
task response
Fully address the task by presenting well-developed and relevant points regarding the topic. Provide more specific examples to support your ideas and ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument.
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