The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A large group of
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
suffer from obesity believe that an educational plan
includes
Correct pronoun usage
that includes
show examples
physical activity leads to a
healthiersystem
Correct your spelling
healthier system
. According to current
researchers
Add a comma
,researchers
show examples
there are a variety of items which must be considered by people to reach the normal weight. Having a healthy diet on a regular basis
such
as avoiding junk foods, fatty foods,
Correct your spelling
preferring
Correct word choice
and prefering
show examples
prefering
Correct your spelling
preferring
home-cooked sweets is the main factor
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
losing
fat
Add an article
the fat
show examples
that is
always recommended by doctors. So, more activity in
educational
Add an article
the educational
show examples
system can not be
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
sufficient if
Correct your spelling
proper
Correct article usage
the poper
show examples
poper
Change the word
more pop
show examples
diet is ignored. It is a fact that children and teenagers
Correct your spelling
spend
and
apend
Correct your spelling
spend
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most of
Correct your spelling
their
that
the
theit
Correct your spelling
their
time at school, so physical curriculum in schools can play an
effectice
Correct your spelling
effective
role in
Correct your spelling
controlling
controling
Correct your spelling
controlling
the
fat
Correct quantifier usage
number of fat
show examples
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
in students.
On the other hand
,
such
courses can lead to root activity in their lives and
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
doing exercises
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their habit in order to fight with
obeity
Correct your spelling
obesity
. In conclusion, exercise training
besides
other courses must be
attentioned
Correct your spelling
attention
in
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
system
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity rates
  • health care system
  • physical education
  • instill
  • long term
  • raise awareness
  • healthier lifestyle choices
  • nutritional education
  • active transport
  • quality of instruction
  • facilities and equipment
  • diet control initiatives
  • community sports programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: