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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some areas of the US, a 'carfew' is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this?

#areas #carfew #teenagers #doors #time #night #adult
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In certain regions of the United States, the movements of adolescents are restricted at certain periods of midnight except
they
Rephrase
when they
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 are under the guidance of older people.In my opinion,I believe that
this
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 trend is a good development and the reasons for
this
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 decision will be discussed in detail.
To begin
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 with,decreased risk of alcohol intoxication is one of the major good effects of
this
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 trend.
This
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 is because youngsters are known to attend clubs at night where they consume a lot of alcohol.But with the guidance of a mature individual,
this
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 act would not be committed.
Consequently
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,it reduces the rate of intoxication.
For example
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,a study in Zambia showed that about 85% of kids
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 presented to the hospital on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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account of intoxication from harsh drinks
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 those
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 attended nightclubs.
In addition
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, a reduced rate of road accident occurrence is a benefit of
this
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 development.
This
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 is because since the youths drive very rough at late hours when they are alone, the thought that they are being monitored in the presence of an elderly person makes them drive well.
For instance
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,the news report in the
last
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 five days shows that the percentage of motor-vehicle collisions reduced markedly following the imposition of a curfew on adolescents. In my opinion,I believe that
this
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 restriction of movement is beneficial because it reduces crime in society.
This
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 is because juveniles carry out a lot of illegal activity at midnight
due to
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 their hormonal drive.To illustrate,the high percentage of testosterone hormone in youngsters pushes them to commit atrocities but when guided by older people,
this
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 desire to do
such
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 acts would be curtailed.
Hence
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, I believe that
this
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 trend should be adopted for a long period.
To conclude
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,
although
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 restriction of movement on the youths at a certain period of the night results in decreased self-dependence,I still believe that it is a beneficial one because it
led
Wrong verb form
leads
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 to reduced crime,
hangovers
Correct word choice
and hangovers
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 from drinks and accidents.
Submitted by vnwekwe on

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task response
Provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction to clearly state your position on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words and phrases to ensure smooth flow between sentences and paragraphs.
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