IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is important to give children a possibility to act independently and make their own decisions from early age. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this idea?

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It is essential in life for
children
Use synonyms
 to make their own choices in certain situations but to give the full command to youngsters at an early age is not a good idea for their own growth. I am not in favour of
this
Linking Words
 development. I will explain my thoughts in upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, in the learning phase of
toddlers
Add a comma
toddlers,
show examples
 it is important to guide them in the right direction. To illustrate, often teenagers follow their elders and copy their actions about which they
don't
Verb problem
aren't
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 fully aware of the consequences
so
Rephrase
apply
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, so it is the parent's task to keep an eye on
children
Use synonyms
 to keep them away from negative things.
Moreover
Linking Words
, at an early ,age youngsters often fail to make good social connections or friends which can lead them to anger, isolation or even child crime as well.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 technological
era
Add a comma
era,
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 majority of
children
Use synonyms
 are involved in sedentary pursuits which is a reason for obesity or laziness among them.
For instance
Linking Words
, toddlers choose video games or mobile devices over physical tasks, and they spend most of their time at home it is a parent's concern to
get
Verb problem
apply
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involve their toddlers in physical activities which are beneficial for their health.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, teenagers get influenced easily by other people or famous personalities just because of
this
Linking Words
 they choose the wrong education path which could end up with depression or dissatisfaction for
children
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, young
one's
Change noun form
people's
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 actions or decisions should be under the surveillance of their parents so they can be protected from negativity or
false
Correct article usage
the false
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 influence of society.

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task achievement
You provided a clear opinion on the topic, which is great. However, make sure to elaborate more on your points to enhance clarity and support your argument. For example, explain how guided independence can help children develop critical thinking skills.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a recognizable structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ensure that each point leads smoothly to the next by using clearer linking phrases. For example, use 'In addition' or 'Moreover' to connect ideas more effectively.
task achievement
While you have some relevant examples, strive to provide more detailed specific examples that illustrate your main points better. Consider using real-life scenarios or studies to support your arguments.
content
Your introduction presents a clear stance on the topic, which is essential in essay writing. This helps the reader understand your position from the beginning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • autonomy
  • empower
  • nurture
  • authority
  • guidance
  • mentor
  • self-reliance
  • resourcefulness
  • initiative
  • innovation
  • responsibility
  • adulthood
  • independent thinking
  • critical thinking
  • obligations
  • achievement
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