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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Electronic inventions bring a negative effect on our health. Agree or disagree?

#inventions #effect #health
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Some
people
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 think electronic products negatively affect our
health
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. In my opinion, I disagree with that, because they help
people
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 get rid of many labour
works
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 and bring
many
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much
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 useful
information
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 for our
health
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. Many new electronic devices aid
people
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 avoid many heavy
works
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. Almost adults and even children have a
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smartphone
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smart phone
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smartphone
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 nowadays. They can use them to contact
with
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apply
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their friends and family easily, which
save
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saves
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 them a lot of
time
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 to seat in front of
table
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a table
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 to write letters.
In addition
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, some new
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artificial
artifical
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artificial
intelegent
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intelligent
equipments
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equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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 can be only controlled by one
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people
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person
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 to do a large range of
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works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 in
manufacture
Wrong verb form
manufacturing
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.
This
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 can replace many labours to work on the horrible fluent line which is bloody harmful to workers both in
phycial
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physical
 and mental as shown in the film Morden
Time
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. These inventions could
also
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 bring helpful
information
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 for
people
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's
health
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. Some individuals might argue that most
people
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 could spend too much
time
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to watch
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watching
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 televisions, computers or phones, which may cause
eyes
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eye
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 or back problems.
However
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, there are many protection modes in these new products. We can apply them if we do not want to use them
too
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for too
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 long
time
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. More importantly, there are more and more free or cheap fitness applications that can be applied on cell phones or tablets. They can offer
healthy
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health
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information
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 and suggestions to everyone, especially to the
people
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 who do not have enough money or
time
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 to go to
gym
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the gym
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. To conclude,
although
Linking Words
 electronic inventions might bring
with
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apply
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Choose an article
the
a
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the
Correct your spelling
them
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 a negative effect
to
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on
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people
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's
health
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, I strongly believe that the problem is able to be solved, and these new products save
people
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 from heavy
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works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 and give
many
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much
show examples
 helpful
information
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 to improve
people
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's
health
Use synonyms
.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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