IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, Governments are incentivizing businesses and industries to invest more in the regional
areas
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 and
setup
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set
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 up their
factories
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 and operations there. In my view,
while
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 there are some potential drawbacks
of
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to
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 industrialisation of the rural communities, there are far more significant benefits to be gained with
this
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 move. On the one hand, the more
factories
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 and businesses you have in rural locations, the more pollution and environmental impact it creates. Industries,
such
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 as manufacturing companies, provide a large amount of harmful waste that can be discharged into the environment (
such
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 as rivers, which are a source of drinking water for many) if a proper environmentally friendly disposal process is not
practiced
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practised
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.
Furthermore
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, clearing large forest
areas
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 to build substantial industrial parks and
factories
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 will endanger wildlife and potentially spoil the pristine natural environment.
Hence
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, the negative environmental impact must be critical when formulating
such
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 policies.
However
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, these issues can be mitigated through proper
environment
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environmental
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 impact assessment studies and imposing strict conditions on businesses when they
setup
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set
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 up their plants and machinery in these designated
areas
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. In terms of the advantages, serious issues
such
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 as growing populations moving to the cities and living in densely populated
areas
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 and the related
problem
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problems
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 it causes (
such
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 as traffic congestion and pollution) can be addressed with
this
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 proposed solution. More job opportunities can be created in rural
areas
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 by building more
factories
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 and setting up industries.
This
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 will mean that fewer people will move to the big cities looking for better job opportunities and prospects, which will ease the
over-crowing
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overcrowding
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 problem in some big cities (
such
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 as India) and solve pollution and traffic issues.
Thus
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, several Government objectives or policies can be achieved with
this
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 action. In conclusion, the Government of the day have a social obligation to their people to develop all parts of the country. As outlined in my essay, the move to industrialise the local
areas
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 can bring substantial benefits for all with a sustainable action plan.

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Task Response
Ensure the main points are clearly linked to the prompt and develop a more balanced argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure is generally well-organized, but the argument could be more balanced, and the essay would benefit from stronger transitions between paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Grammatical Range
Pay more attention to sentence structure variety, especially in complex and compound sentences, to showcase a wider grammatical range.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • regional areas
  • big cities
  • encouraging
  • industries
  • businesses
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • economic growth
  • overcrowding
  • traffic congestion
  • employment opportunities
  • balanced regional development
  • preservation of natural resources
  • quality of life
  • cultural diversity
  • lack of infrastructure
  • amenities
  • skilled workers
  • impact on the environment
  • decline in the economy
  • social and cultural challenges
  • integrating
  • new industries
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