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Band 4

Many parents are unhappy with their children playing violent video games and watching violence in movies. How harmful is this to children? What can be done to solve this problem?

#parents #children #video #games #violence #movies
In recent years, the contents of video
games
 and
films
 are
uncertain
Add an article
an uncertain
the uncertain
show examples
 issue. Some of which, especially which
involves
Correct subject-verb agreement
involve
show examples
violence
 and severity
affects
Correct subject-verb agreement
affect
show examples
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
lives
 detrimentally. A vast majority of authorities claim that we have to regulate these contents
Correct your spelling
whether
wheter
Correct your spelling
whether
 harmful or not in order to grow
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 effectively. We shouldn't give up completely, we can arrange
gradually
Correct pronoun usage
it gradually
show examples
.
Moreover
, It requires some prohibitions. I entirely agree
that
Change preposition
with that
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 opinion because these
games
 and
films
 play an extensive role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
lives
.  Giving up something completely is the main reason for being dependent on it.With the
helps
Change the wording
help
bits of help
show examples
 of families,
children
 either quit completely or become addicted. If
family
Correct article usage
the family
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 give
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
accurate information about these things,
children
 can be keen to quit these
games
 gradually.
However
, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
patients
Add an article
the patients
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 generally chose to quit immediately with their heavy
tongue
Fix the agreement mistake
tongues
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 and it is
unfortunately
Replace the word
unfortunate
show examples
 that it puts pressure on
children
 so they are not able to give up
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 these
games
 and
films
. That's why
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 families have to pay attention
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
towards on
Change preposition
to
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 their
children
. 
Restrictions
 and prohibitions are the best keys
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how to
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
 rid of
after
Change preposition
apply
show examples
families'
attitude
Fix the agreement mistake
attitudes
show examples
.
In many
Change preposition
Many
show examples
games
 or
films
 involves small symbols at the corner of
tv
Correct article usage
the tv
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 or entering the gameplay. It seems to
less
Add a missing verb
be less
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 important than
written
Add an article
a written
show examples
warning
Fix the agreement mistake
warnings
show examples
 but
children
 are affected by these warnings
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
putted
Correct your spelling
put
show examples
 by the government. Televisions or
games
are include
Change the verb form
include
show examples
 some age
restrictions
 and
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
 symbols compared to
last
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
 because
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 peaked
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
incrementally.
As a result
, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
restrictions
Add an article
the restrictions
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 should be used by the government or channels. It can be concluded that video
games
 and movies which include
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
 content are destructive
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
children
's
lives
. We can take
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
precautions regarding the content
such
 as; prohibitions and
family's
Change noun form
family
show examples
restrictions
. These are the guidelines for every child in their
lives
Change the noun form
life
show examples
 quality.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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