IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The increasing demand for oil and gas has made it necessary to look for these energy sources in remote and untouched natural places. Do you think the advantages of locating oil and gas in these areas outweigh the disadvantages of damaging these places?

#demand #oil #gas #energy #sources #places #areas
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Some people argue that as the population on the Earth is increasing, we need to explore new
oil
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 and
gas
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 resources
due to
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 losing current
sources
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 of natural energy. In my opinion, the disadvantages of
this
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 assertion outweigh the advantages. There are various reasons why the drawbacks of locating new natural
sources
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 of energy outweigh the benefits.
To begin
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 with, searching for untouched places to find fossil fuels like
oil
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 and
gas
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 will result in destroying the natural habitat of that area.
For example
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, in southern Africa, the most famous rainforest has been demolished in the
last
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 decade to find new
sources
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 of
oil
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.
This
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 has led to the extinction of wild animals and plants.
instead
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 of ruining natural habitats, we should protect them.
In addition
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, if people use more
oil
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 and
gas
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, more carbon dioxide will
release
Wrong verb form
be released
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.
Thus
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, Co2 will trap heat from the sun and
this
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 makes the global temperature rise.
This
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 process is called the greenhouse effect.
Gas
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 emissions from vehicles and exhaust fumes from factories are the major factors of environmental pollution.
moreover
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, Cheap air
travelling
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travel
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 and the growing number of cars on the streets have a significant impact on global warming and contamination of the planet. In conclusion, many developing countries are becoming industrialized and the need for new
sources
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 of fossil fuels is increasing.
While
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 it may be argued that humans have the right to destroy untouched fields to access new
sources
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 of natural energy, I believe that the disadvantages far outweigh the benefits.
Submitted by hee75230 on

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task response
Ensure that all parts of the prompt are adequately addressed and that your response clearly presents a position. Make sure to fully support your arguments with relevant examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
While your essay displays a clear overall structure, ensure that each paragraph is well-connected and that your ideas flow logically from one to the next. Use cohesive devices to link your ideas together more effectively.
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