IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Crime rate, in most countries, is often higher in urban areas than in rural areas.

#crime #rate #countries #areas
It is observed that a considerable proportion of
crime
 rate happening around the developed cities in present-day, which usually/ regularly seems to be higher than that in other rural areas.
This
 phenomenon can be attributed due to several factors;
however
, I believe that there is a reverse/separate truth behind the above bare reason which would be discussed objectively along with the feasible
solutions
 during the course of
this
 essay. There are two key drivers behind the high
crime
 rate among cities. Chief of these is that the dense population is generally considered a reason for harsh competition among city-dwellers. Given that most
people
 have to work desperately long hours day by day to combat for a better high-salary job, sometimes, lack of opportunities causes
people
 to be unemployed.
Therefore
, many workers prefer to choose immediate benefits rather than stable jobs, and these actions lead to criminal risks, namely bank robbery, street snatching, and petty larceny.
However
, while I acknowledge that
crime
 tends to happen in big cities rather than in the
countryside
, I would argue that
this
 trend has
also
 been a critical issue eventually around rural places yet receiving no attention.
To begin
 with, low quality of rural policy and defective efficiency of the authority, result in leaving many types of crimes out of control.
Therefore
, a sizable number of cases have been left out of records.
In addition
, the crimes are less likely to be detected because of the distance between inhabitants.
Therefore
, if there’s no solution made, worse
solutions
 will spread among
people
 living in the
countryside
. With these problematic issues, I would analyse feasible
solutions
 before drawing a rational conclusion.
Firstly
, good rural policing is about increasing the number of police officers on the ground. For the purpose of tackling rural
crime
, the general public must form effective partnerships between the police, rural communities, and other authorities to ensure that the needs of rural communities are truly understood so that the needs will be matched by those
availability
Replace the word
available
show examples
.
Furthermore
, with individual aspects, improving surveillance around homes, businesses, or public places to deter criminals is highly recommended. By ensuring the property and wider community look cared for, cottagers can protect their property attentively. From my perspective as once a
countryside
 inhabitant, I was taught to close the door whenever I go out,
that is
 a way for me to keep things
low key
Add a hyphen
low-key
show examples
 and avoid unnecessary troubles. To wrap things up, in spite of the fact that
crime
 tends to happen in urban areas,
people
 can witness the inconvenient truth which far outweighs the following reasoning, which
prove
Change the verb form
proves
show examples
 that criminal elements can
also
 happen
within
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
countryside
.
Also
, there are a host of
solutions
 to consider.
Submitted by nguyenbuiminhu on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • anonymity
  • social cohesion
  • socioeconomic disparities
  • desperation
  • urban stressors
  • mental health
  • community policing
  • job opportunities
  • poverty
  • inequality
  • public spaces
  • surveillance cameras
  • deterrent
  • recidivism
  • reintegration programs
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