IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more diadvantages?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation #diadvantages
Nowadays, a large number of humans
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of
hours
 and
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 a few
hours
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 entertainment
activities
.
This
 essay will examine the possible advantages  and disadvantages of working long
hours
 and provide a logical conclusion. The two main advantages of working long
hours
 are
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
productivity and
people
 can earn  more money.
Firstly
, working long
hours
 may increase the productivity of
people
’s
work
, and they manage to do
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
all of the
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
.
Secondly
, with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
working overtime
people
 can earn more salary, even higher in a double amount than
previous
Change the article
the previous
show examples
 salary.
For example
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
taking
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
 extra
hours
 from their job for paying more money.
Therefore
, many
people
trying
Wrong verb form
try
show examples
 to
work
 long
hours
 for
its
Change the word
a
show examples
 good wage.
However
, working long
hours
 has some major disadvantages like do not have
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
time
 to spend
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 hobbies and it may
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
people
 sick.
As a result
 of working overtime
people
 do not have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
  any
time
  to enjoy and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
do
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
enjoyable
activities
, even though they love it.
Also
,
non-stop
Add an article
the non-stop
show examples
 working process can make  individuals ill,  because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, after
hours
 of
work
people
 easily fall in with lots of pressure and stress of
work
.
For instance
, my uncle
tend
Change the verb form
tends
show examples
 to be sick at least once a month, and he cannot
finding
Change the form of the verb
find
show examples
 any
time
 to do
himself
Correct pronoun usage
his
show examples
 favourite
activities
 too. To conclude,
although
 there are some disadvantages of working long
hours
 like do not have any
time
 to do the free
time
activities
 and some other effecting badly
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 health, it has an extremely positive impact to increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
efficiency and earn
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
way more money. I believe that these benefits of working long
hours
 outweigh its drawbacks.
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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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