IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more diadvantages?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation #diadvantages
• In our modern life, the majority of individuals
work
 many hours, withdraw from extraordinarily mini
time
 for free
time
 activities and many humans went out of their way to
work
harald
Correct your spelling
hard
 earn
money
. From my point of view, working without
time
 off has more disadvantages than advantages and nowadays most of
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 of employees tend to spend
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
show examples
time
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working without
entertain
Replace the word
entertainment
show examples
. It is terrible for everyone. • There are a number of significant benefits of working hard without
rest
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because now life can not be imagined without
money
, and if a
person
 does not
work
 hard, if he does not
work
, he will never be able to develop, he
was not earn
Change the verb form
did not earn
show examples
 a lot of
money
, that's why he lives better if he works hard.
For example
, when they interviewed the richest
person
 in the world, they only worked, they had no
time
 for themselves or their family, and they only had four hours of
rest
 a day. that's why he was the richest man in the world. • Turing to the other side of the argument despite
its
Change the pronoun
the
show examples
 benefits it
also
 has it
is disadvantages
Change the verb form
is disadvantaged
show examples
.
First
 of all, every
person
, no matter how old they are, if they do not have
time
 for themselves,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
causes huge negative problems, especially in terms of health, they
work
 so hard that they do not even pay attention to their own health. He does not spend
time
 not only for himself
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 for his family members.
For example
, sleep is one of the most necessary things for a
person
. If a
person
's sleep is disturbed, if he does not sleep enough, it will cause a lot of harm to a
person
. A
person
 who lives without
rest
 will gradually develop heart
diseases
Fix the agreement mistake
disease
show examples
 and other similar diseases. • In conclusion, having
weighted
Correct your spelling
weighed
show examples
 everything mentioned up and I can come to
conclusion
Correct article usage
the conclusion
show examples
 that, living without
rest
 is very harmful to a
person
's health. In my opinion, a
person
 should not spend his life
to earn
Change the verb form
earning
show examples
money
, because if a
person
 is terminally ill,
money
 will never help him.
Submitted by Premium Version on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: