IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The amount of time is spent on sports and exercise should be increased The amount of time is spent on sports and exercise should be increased in school in order to tackle the problem of overweight children. Do you think this is the best way to deal with this problem? What other solutions can you suggest?

#amount #time #sports #exercise #school #children
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Outdoor
games
Use synonyms
 play a vital role in our everyday life. It gives so many benefits to our body and any type of physical activity prevents us from various diseases.
Schools
Use synonyms
 should raise their time on sports and exercise because of the overweight problem in
children
Use synonyms
. From my perspective, it's a good approach to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem. As most young
children
Use synonyms
 spend most of their time on phones and computers playing
games
Use synonyms
 and gossiping with their friends and usually eating junk food. Parents should take care of their unhealthy Sleep routine. These are the main reason for
this
Linking Words
 overweight problem in
this
Linking Words
 generation. It’s the responsibility of every parent to spend a few hours with their
child
Use synonyms
 so that they can teach them wrongs and rights in life ,
for example
Linking Words
: They can take their
child
Use synonyms
 on daily walks and can involve them in outdoor activities
such
Linking Words
 as football, tennis, cycling, cricket, bowling, and badminton.
Schools
Use synonyms
 should
also
Linking Words
 take
this
Linking Words
 issue gravely. They can arrange some physical
games
Use synonyms
 and make it necessary for every student to take part in them.
In addition
Linking Words
, there should be Competitions of physical
games
Use synonyms
 so that students can easily participate in
such
Linking Words
 events.
Also
Linking Words
, teachers should educate the
children
Use synonyms
 about the importance of physical exercise so that
children
Use synonyms
 themselves concentrate on their health.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they should serve healthy meals and non-sugar drinks in their canteen items. In the end, it is not only the responsibility of
schools
Use synonyms
 to heed the
children
Use synonyms
 but their parents should
also
Linking Words
 take care of them because teachers and
schools
Use synonyms
 will train your
child
Use synonyms
 for a certain time, but you have to look after your
child
Use synonyms
 for a lifetime.
Submitted by valimohammadkhubaib on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: