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Band 5.5

Some countries are struggling with an increase in the rate of crime . Many people think that having more police on streets is the only way to reduce crime. To what extent do you agree?

#countries #rate #crime #people #police #streets
To Begin
 with, smuggling and snatching have a very inferior effect on everyone’s life all over the World,
due to
 these activities population
are
Verb problem
does
show examples
 not
feeling
Wrong verb form
feel
show examples
 safe living in their own country. Many people believe that having more police on the roads can be the only solution to decrease crime in some countries. From my point of view,
this
 can be the solution to some extent. The government of every nation should focus on crime bustles
very
Rephrase
apply
show examples
perfectly because not only robbery is surging, but harassment activities are
also
 on high escalation. folk of the respective country take care of each movement ,especially when roaming late at night on the streets.
For instance
, when people are driving, they should make sure that car doors are locked, and they do have not any valuable things
along with
 them.
Furthermore
, pupils should not go to
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
places where they can get easily seized and they should provide a secure environment for their children too because kidnapping and sexual assault are happening more to teenagers nowadays. Having more police on the roads is not the only way to reduce crime, courts should place surveillance cameras in public areas including malls, parks, hospitals, temples, and colleges to monitor society’s actions.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should ban all drug businesses and make strict rules for controlling gun crimes. Many victims are not being punished and are silently released by giving
bribery
Fix the agreement mistake
bribes
show examples
 and in
this
 way, they incite more crimes. In the end, the government should make proper laws and regulations to stop these criminal exercises and increase their police team’s presence on the streets so that they can regulate minor and major cases. They should give punishment to the offenders since punishment will create fear in the minds of felons before doing an offence.
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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion clearly present the main points and the author's position. Invest more time in organizing and connecting ideas to improve coherence and cohesion.
Task Achievement
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Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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