IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement. Give the reason and relevant examples.

#people #sports #reason
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It is a no-brainer that,
sports
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 are
crucial
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a crucial
show examples
 part of our lives and
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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a
Change the article
an
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 interesting way to stay fit and active, but there are numerous
sports
Use synonyms
 in the world, which are hazardous to human beings and I strongly agree with the former statement that dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
 should be banned.
Thus
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, the reasons behind the aforementioned statement
,
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apply
show examples
 will be
further
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 explained.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is reckoned that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of people are interested in
sports
Use synonyms
, whether by watching or playing and these
sports
Use synonyms
 should be fun and competitive but there are
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of
sports
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, which are harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
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 players
such
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 as wrestling, scuba diving and
bullriding
Correct your spelling
building
bull riding
. These
Add a hyphen
life-threatening
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life threatening
Add a hyphen
life-threatening
show examples
sports
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 can negatively affect the player's health because it contains harmful actions, which sometimes can be a reason
of
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for
show examples
a
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apply
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death.
For instance
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,
a recent news
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recent news
a piece of recent news
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 by BHS
,
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apply
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 shows that
,
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apply
show examples
 a player
of
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in
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 wrestling was wrongfully hit in the head, due to which, he went
to
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into
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coma
Correct article usage
a coma
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 and after suffering for many days he died because of the severe damage
in
Change preposition
to
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 his brain. There are many incidents
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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happening in which individuals are dying and
Correct your spelling
their
therir
Correct your spelling
their
 loved ones are suffering as well.
Secondly
Linking Words
, these dangerous
sports
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 are ruining many lives as it is apparent that serious injuries are being caused to individuals by these
sports
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 on daily basis
such
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 as
,
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apply
show examples
 broken bones, spinal injuries and swelling to main body parts, which sometimes lead to years of coma and bed rest, in which the person fails to live his life and provide for his family. To sum up, hazardous
sports
Use synonyms
 should be banned by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 or serious actions should be taken to improve the safety of players because it is ruining many lives of individuals.
Submitted by hk2192611 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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