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Band 5.5

Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement. Give the reason and relevant examples.

#people #sports #reason
It is a no-brainer that,
sports
 are
crucial
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a crucial
show examples
 part of our lives and
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
a
Change the article
an
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 interesting way to stay fit and active, but there are numerous
sports
 in the world, which are hazardous to human beings and I strongly agree with the former statement that dangerous
sports
 should be banned.
Thus
, the reasons behind the aforementioned statement
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 will be
further
 explained.
Firstly
, it is reckoned that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of people are interested in
sports
, whether by watching or playing and these
sports
 should be fun and competitive but there are
numbers
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number
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 of
sports
, which are harmful
for
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to
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 players
such
 as wrestling, scuba diving and
bullriding
Correct your spelling
building
bull riding
. These
Add a hyphen
life-threatening
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life threatening
Add a hyphen
life-threatening
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sports
 can negatively affect the player's health because it contains harmful actions, which sometimes can be a reason
of
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for
show examples
a
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apply
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death.
For instance
,
a recent news
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recent news
a piece of recent news
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 by BHS
,
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apply
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 shows that
,
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apply
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 a player
of
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in
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 wrestling was wrongfully hit in the head, due to which, he went
to
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into
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coma
Correct article usage
a coma
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 and after suffering for many days he died because of the severe damage
in
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to
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 his brain. There are many incidents
are
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apply
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happening in which individuals are dying and
Correct your spelling
their
therir
Correct your spelling
their
 loved ones are suffering as well.
Secondly
, these dangerous
sports
 are ruining many lives as it is apparent that serious injuries are being caused to individuals by these
sports
 on daily basis
such
 as
,
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apply
show examples
 broken bones, spinal injuries and swelling to main body parts, which sometimes lead to years of coma and bed rest, in which the person fails to live his life and provide for his family. To sum up, hazardous
sports
 should be banned by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 or serious actions should be taken to improve the safety of players because it is ruining many lives of individuals.
Submitted by hk2192611 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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