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Band 6.5

In many countries people tend to move overseas or move to a different par of their country after the retirement Discuss why they do so and what the outcome of this situation is. Provide specific reasons and example to spport your opinion.

#countries #people #move #par #country #retirement #outcome #situation #spport
In different parts of the world, many
people
 take trips to other
places
 inside and outside their country or move constantly. There are a few outcomes of
this
 situation which I believe are mostly positive. In
this
 essay, the reason and the probable outcomes are going to be addressed before reaching any conclusion.
Firstly
, moving to a new place enables
people
 to experience and see more
such
 as historical
places
, sightseeing and so on.
Secondly
,
this
 may be an experience without any bothering from the workplace.
For instance
, imagine a full-time worker in a company. If he wants to go overseas he certainly faces some difficulties like having to be back at a specific time or having not much time to fully enjoy the trip.
While
 a retired
person
 has nothing to do with these issues. So I think it is much more enjoyable for a retired
person
 to move. There are some results to mention when a
person
 moves to a new place after retirement. At
first,
it can help to have better feelings through visiting various
places
 and different
people
.
Moreover
, the movement of a retired
person
 to a new country helps tourism because a tourist spends money on buying different things. So I believe
this
 movement involves more positive points as mentioned above
although
 we should not underestimate the problems. In conclusion, many
people
 tend to go to new
places
 after their retirement which is
also
 a brave decision. It can have many probable good and bad outcomes which I believe is a very joyful decision and can bring us some of our best experiences.
Submitted by mr.haghighat1998 on

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coherence and cohesion
Provide a clearer introduction and conclusion that summarize the main points and express a clear opinion.
task response
Provide more specific examples to support your points and develop your ideas more thoroughly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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