IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Advanced technology has brought many beneficial changes to the world. However, some old people today struggle with the use of technologies such as mobile phones and the Internet. How can the elderly benefit from using advanced technologies? How can the elderly be encouraged to use consumer electronics more often?

#technology #changes #world #people #struggle #technologies #phones #internet #benefit #consumer #electronics
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The advances made in
field
Add an article
the field
show examples
 of
technology
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not equally shared by all age demographics. It is true that some
elders
Use synonyms
 still struggle
using
Change the verb form
to use
show examples
 new
technology
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
 in my opinion older people
Add the comma(s)
, in particular,
show examples
in particular
Linking Words
 could benefit more in terms of convenience and
this
Linking Words
 could be achieved by organisations transitioning their
service
Use synonyms
 primarily online. Improved capability with using
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 engenders better life quality.
This
Linking Words
 improvement would be immediately evident when having
service
Use synonyms
 online.
Linking Words
First
Change the article
The first
show examples
 example is shopping for food online, during
pandemic
Correct article usage
the pandemic
show examples
 lot of
elders
Use synonyms
pushed
Add a missing verb
are pushed
show examples
 to use
Use synonyms
Add a hyphen
technology-based
show examples
technology based
Add a hyphen
technology-based
show examples
services
Use synonyms
 in order to buy food. Ordering online benefits them in many ways which they can remain at home
avoid
Fix the infinitive
to avoid
show examples
 covid19 risks. Even after pandemic
restrictions
Add a comma
,restrictions
show examples
 there is a report that
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
continues
Change the verb form
continue
show examples
 to use online
services
Use synonyms
 for their convenience.
Linking Words
Second
Change the article
The second
show examples
 example
is apply
Change the verb form
is applying
is applied
show examples
 for
monthly
Add an article
a monthly
show examples
 pension through
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 application e-
mongolia
Change the capitalization
Mongolia
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
service
Use synonyms
 eased
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of time and effort.
Usually
Add a comma
,Usually
show examples
this
Linking Words
service
Use synonyms
 took about 1-2 days offline, but with
government
Use synonyms
 application
elders
Use synonyms
 can apply for it online while enjoying
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quality time with their grandchildren. In order to encourage
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 to use consumer electronics, organisations should continue
support
Fix the infinitive
to support
show examples
 consumers to engage online. Older individuals will need extra support with new
technology
Use synonyms
 or
service
Use synonyms
,
therefore
Linking Words
 it would be easier for them if someone could demonstrate
illustrative
Add an article
an illustrative
show examples
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
 for them.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
a government
show examples
 application called e-
mongolia
Change the capitalization
Mongolia
show examples
 created a help
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 specifically for
elders
Use synonyms
 to help them
adapt
Correct your spelling
adopt
show examples
 new
services
Use synonyms
 on their phones. Companies today are already increasingly emphasising online orders by phasing out in-person discounts and physical stores they will compel the elderly to adapt to modern conveniences. To conclude, older individuals can lead easier lives if they utilize the achievements in
technology
Use synonyms
 that
Use synonyms
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
show examples
 and companies
already begun
Add the auxiliary verb
began
have already begun
show examples
 to embrace.
Also
Linking Words
, organisations and family members should do their best to help these
elders
Use synonyms
 adapt
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 online
services
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by nsarangua on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: