IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In the last century, The first man to walk on the moon claimed it was a step forward for mankind. However, some people think it has made little difference in most people’s daily lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#century #first #man #moon #step #mankind #people #difference #people’s #lives
These days, public debate has been going on whether the steps made on the moon were a significant sign of progress for humanity or have barely altered the way humans live along with their routines. It is essential to dive deeper into the argumentation for both viewpoints in order to create an opinion on the topic and broaden one’s horizons. Compelling arguments can be made that the feat in space was not influential. To start with,
such
statement
Correct article usage
a statement
show examples
 can be justified by the fact that there are still a dozen of
people
 not
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
able to travel to other planets. In fact, it causes envy among some that they cannot do that or dissatisfaction that there still have not been developed rockets that can bring one to the moon.
This
 results in many having
skeptic
Replace the word
sceptical
show examples
 perspectives and unfulfilled hopes that lead to a more negative atmosphere of moods in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Apparently, there are individuals which become irritable more easily and harm the peace between
people
 in the world more often. What is more, explorations of the cosmos even caused undesired economic consequences. The distant trips drained the budget of states, which could have been used for other purposes.
For example
, many social projects, including those associated with healthcare,
poverty
Correct word choice
and poverty
show examples
, were left out with
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 funds. But there is ample evidence that getting better in touch with our galaxy has had a range of merits. To embark on, one benefit is that more children get inspired, dreaming about
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 achievements. Reading about them and looking
into
Change preposition
at
show examples
 pictures of humans on the moon can convert into an interest, which inspires
to
Correct pronoun usage
me to
show examples
 achieve even more. In order for that to happen, one may become motivated to study more, wanting to contribute by helping to strive for
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
 of new machinery.
Hence
, it might spark curiosity in studying sciences like physics. Later on, enlightened adults can utilize their gained knowledge to work for the welfare of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Furthermore
, it provoked competition between countries. Lands wanted to take the lead over their competitors in rocket science,
hence
, strived for technological advancements a lot. The latter turned out to be beneficial for improving the lives of
people
 in various ways. On the basis of the above discussion, it is clear that the acquired more intimate relationship with planets from our solar system indirectly affected how
people
 live in the contemporary world.
Hence
, many should just expand their perspective and appreciate how positively
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
monumental historical events have affected us.
Submitted by oimigle on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: