Some people say that the only way to get success is to go to universities while others think that it depends on other factors. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There are controversial notions heating up a debate over how to become fruitful in life.
While
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

some claim that the sole tactic to achieve high accomplishments is enrolling in colleges, the opposite makes a statement that it has a heavy dependence on alternative elements.
While
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

each has its own perks, I would contend that it is optimized the best to combine both mentioned factors. Without a shadow of
doubt
Add an article
a doubt

The noun phrase doubt seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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, getting into universities
brings
Verb problem
has

There may be a verb use issue here.

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an immense impact on people’s fruitfulness. In
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

day and age, we live in a society where degrees, diplomas and certifications are of necessity. In specific, corporations of all kinds, whether grand or insignificant, require degrees from prestigious colleges from their applicants.
For example
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, people graduating from well-known academies namely Foreign Trade University and National Economics University will tend to possess a much higher chance of being employed by first-rank industries than those without a certificate of graduation.
Hence
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
institutions
Change the noun form
institution

Your sentence appears to use the incorrect form of institutions. Consider changing it to singular.

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enrollment plays
such
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

a paramount pivotal in people’s obtaining high achievements. Whilst the significance of getting into universities is widely acknowledged, it is unfair if that of other elements is ignored completely, especially the collaboration ability.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, provided that one has the capability to collaborate with his or her team
and
Correct word choice
apply

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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, he or she will be likely to enhance the
company
Change noun form
company's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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efficiency comparatively by driving his or her colleagues to the homogeneous goal on the shortest path.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, a set of useful skills can be taken into keen concern when it comes to people’s achieving high accomplishments. In conclusion, to become a
high-achiever
Correct your spelling
high achiever

The word high-achiever doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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in life, enrolling in academies can do wonders,
on the contrary
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, alternative factors
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as basic soft skills can
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

facilitate one's success.
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that your essay has a clear, logical structure by introducing each paragraph with a topic sentence, and linking ideas between paragraphs with transitional phrases. This will enhance the flow of your essay and make your arguments more compelling.
coherence cohesion
In your introduction and conclusion, aim for clarity and succinctness. Make your position on the topic clear from the outset, and reiterate your main points in the conclusion to strengthen the coherence of your argument.
coherence cohesion
To better support your main points, provide more specific, relevant examples and elaborate on how these examples support your argument. This will enhance the persuasive power of your essay and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Ensure that your response completely answers all parts of the task, including explaining your position and discussing both views presented in the prompt. Providing clear, comprehensive ideas supported by relevant, specific examples will significantly enhance task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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