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Band 5

NOW A DAYS MORE AND MORE YOUNG PEOPLE HOLD THE IMPORTANT POSITIONS IN THE GOVERNMENT. SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT THIS IS A GOOD THING WHILE OTHERS ARGUE THAT IT IS NOT SUITABLE. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION.

#people #positions #government
Some
people
 believe having younger
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 for
government
 positions is good,while others think it is not a good idea.
although
 elders have more experience in different majors,in my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
,opinion
show examples
 young
people
 are more suitable for these positions. on one hand,
people
 who are older because of their experience work with more
cousioc
Correct your spelling
acoustic
.they consider every
aspects
Change to a singular noun
aspect
show examples
therefore
 they can avoid awful results.
also
 being long
enogh
Correct your spelling
enough
 in
this
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 increased their
Correct your spelling
knowledge
knowledeg
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 about their region and how to make better decisions for
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
.they tend to examine every
theories
Change to a singular noun
theory
show examples
 and choose wisely so that the
country
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
consiconces
Correct your spelling
conscience
consciences
.
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On
show examples
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the other hand,
younger
Add an article
the younger
show examples
 generation can be so productive for
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
.
Usually
Add a comma
,Usually
show examples
 they are full of fresh ideas with
Correct your spelling
determination
determinatin
Correct article usage
the determinatin
show examples
 to work harder.
In addition
,their ability in technology can lead to
Correct your spelling
efficiency
effeciency
Correct your spelling
efficiency
 in different fields and help the
country
 to improve
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 systems.Of
course
Add a comma
,course
show examples
 if they have a position in
main
Change the article
the main
show examples
 course of
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
,which is
government
,they can use these skills for economic progress.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 youngers tend to find new ways to solve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
problems.they are not
Correct your spelling
afraid
affraid
Correct your spelling
afraid
 of trying new paths to get their results.even if they fail,it is not meaningless
cause
Correct word choice
because
show examples
 they would learn about their mistakes and
next
 time would find more useful solutions.
For example
,in my
country
 younger
people
 who are in charge of duties in
government
 decided to find
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
path
Fix the agreement mistake
paths
show examples
 in
educational
Add an article
the educational
show examples
 system to help students
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 fun while studying which was against
older
Correct article usage
the older
show examples
generation
Change noun form
generation's
show examples
beliefs about education. in conclusion,
although
 having
wise
Correct article usage
a wise
show examples
 and older generation in
government
 could be beneficial,I believe for becoming
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
country
 we need
help
Add an article
the help
show examples
 of
yongers
Correct your spelling
youngsters
younger
yonkers
 as
athourities
Correct your spelling
authorities
.
Submitted by mahsa.98.karimi on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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