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Band 5

Some people say that the only way to get success is to go to universities while others think that it depends on other factors. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #success #universities #factors
There are controversial perspectives heating up a debate over whether the authority bears accountability for investing in medical care and schooling or not.
While
 some claim that allocating money to the healthcare system and the educational system by the governor is of the essence for people’s lives, the opposite makes the statement that the lawmaker doesn’t need to be fully accountable for splurging money on
this
.
While
 the former is valid to some extent, I regard myself as a proponent of the latter Without a shadow of a doubt, college brings a
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
 impact on becoming a high achiever. For the time being, people live in a society having heavy reliance on
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
, particularly both big and small size corporations require their
candidates
Change to a genitive case
candidate's
candidates'
show examples
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
 from reputed institutions.
For instance
, students from leading academies in Vietnam
such
 as Hanoi Medical University or National Economics University will have higher opportunities to be recruited by well-known enterprises
such
 as Vin Group, Sun Groups or FPT.
Thus
, entering institutions
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
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 a paramount
significant
Correct word choice
apply
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role in people’s success.
While
 the significance of getting to universities is widely acknowledged,the fruitfulness of people is heavily dependent on other facets, especially
skills
.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that when people have useful
skills
, they adapt quite exponentially and make
value
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valuable
show examples
merchandises
Fix the agreement mistake
merchandise
show examples
 for firms without splurging time on training. If a person masters communication skill, they will be able to prevent themself from trivial misunderstandings and conflicts, and
as a result
, they revamp productivity when working.
Therefore
, sets of
skills
 make a great contribution to achieving high accomplishment. In conclusion,
while
 going to institutions have
immense
Add an article
an immense
show examples
 influence on people’s success, there are some other elements which
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
frutifulness
Correct your spelling
fruitfulness
such
 as soft
skills
.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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task response
Ensure that the essay topic is addressed directly and clearly in the introduction. The introduction should clearly state your position on the topic.
task response
Expand on your main points by providing more detailed examples and explanations to fully support your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear and logical structuring of paragraphs to aid the flow of your arguments. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea followed by supporting sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your conclusion summarizes your main points and reiterates your stance in a clear way, reinforcing the arguments made in the body of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Work on varying sentence structure and using a wider range of vocabulary to enhance the sophistication of your writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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