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Band 4.5

Some people believe that traveling is a valuable experience; others say it is a waste of time and money. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#some #people #waste #time #money
It is true that certain folks around the world argue that going overseas is a significant experience
while
 others think that it is consuming time and a huge amount of revenue. From my point of view, it is beneficial for people to travel to new places the impending essay will discuss both sides with a logical conclusion. There are many reasons that meeting new locations
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a vital experience in their lives.
To begin
 with, it contributes to facing new cultures leading them to learn and practice these traditional cultures which in turn results
to find
Change preposition
in finding
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 new friends.
As a result
, travellers become
Correct quantifier usage
more
show examples
mature people than those who do not fly outside.
For example
, the
times
Capitalize word
Times
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 has announced that almost 4 thousand
Canadian
Replace the word
Canadians
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 travel to European countries yearly and they have friends from each nation when they stay for a period of a month.
Furthermore
, flying to other nations may increase educational qualifications
this
 is because learning a new method of lesson in a new learning environment leads to a significant increase in becoming a professional person.
On the other hand
, there are some individuals who that claim going to foreign countries is
wasting
Wrong verb form
a waste of
show examples
 revenue and valuable time. To start with, being in various nations around the world may result in consuming a huge amount of life and money because spending days on finding a rental apartment and paying for it may cause a person to be broke and
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
it
also
 helps to be far from the office which has a significant effect in income.
To conclude
,
while
 some argue that travelling is beneficial for gaining experience, others think that it is spending time and income. From my point of view, meeting new areas leads to learning new educational programmes and new traditional cultures are vital and important
Submitted by suhailjallalzadah on

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coherence cohesion
The essay shows adequate logical structure, but the introduction and conclusion could be more effectively presented.
task achievement
The response is somewhat complete, but the ideas lack clarity and comprehensive development. More relevant specific examples should be provided to support the points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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