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Band 4

Some people think that it is better to build more public parks and sports facilities in new town rather shopping malls. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #parks #sports #facilities #town #malls
In
this
 modern era, some individuals support the opinion that it would be better if
the
Correct article usage
apply
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public money will
utilized
Change the verb form
utilize
be utilized
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 in the construction of public
parks
 as well as
sports
centres
 by the bureaucracy rather than shopping malls in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
metropolitan cities. I,
however
, agree with the provided assertion and I will illuminate the logical reasons to support my opinion in
this
 discourse. The
first
 and foremost reason is the concern regards
the
Correct article usage
apply
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public
health
 and
sports
 opportunities for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adolescent. In
this
 contemporary era, people
leads
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lead
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 to a sedentary lifestyle due to their
hactic
Correct your spelling
hectic
 work schedule and due to the pressure of academic studies
the
Correct article usage
apply
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youngsters do not get
the
Remove the article
apply
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enough time to pursue their interest in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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sports
. It has been shown in the studies conducted by
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
health
 organization in
year
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the year
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 2020 that 75
percent
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per cent
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 of humans suffering from
health
 ailments
such
obesity
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as obesity
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,
cardio
Correct word choice
and cardio
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 problems due to lack of physical activity and exercise as well as the youngsters are migrating from local towns to
another cities
Replace the adjective
another city
other cities
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 because of the improper
sports
 facilities in
sports
centres
 in their towns.
Secondly
, the biodiversity issues are rapidly increasing at
a
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apply
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very large scale deforestation,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
,example
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 could be reduced to a great extent if the cities would be equipped
by
Change preposition
with
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 more and more public
parks
 as these
parks
 would spread more and more
greenary
Correct your spelling
greenery
 which leads to a pollution free ecosystem.
Moreover
, the adolescent might not face any challenges in pursuing their career in
sports
 and will explore more and more opportunities in the
sports
 field,if the
sports
centres
 will be well equipped
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the proper
sports
 facilities. Summing up, I reiterate my statement that the government should make the best advantage of public capital or money in the construction of public
parks
 and
sports
centres
 as the public
health
 and
sports
 opportunities are
Correct your spelling
quite
show examples
quiet
Correct your spelling
quite
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 significant
instead
 of building shopping malls as the internet provides a great platform for e-commerce for online shopping .
Submitted by mannu00988 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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