IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that mobile phone conversations should be banned in crowded and social places. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #phone #conversations #places
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Mobile phones have revolutionalized how
people
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 interact with each other
,
Remove the comma
apply
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and
Correct word choice
apply
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allowing
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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 connect with anyone on the globe within
fraction
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a fraction
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 of a minute. Many argue that talking on
the
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apply
show examples
Correct your spelling
smartphones
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smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
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 should
in fact
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, in fact,
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 be banned in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public places. In my opinion, regulation of
phone
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usage
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 is needed in common areas, in order to prevent accidents and provide more social interactions,
meanwhile
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,meanwhile
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 a ban should not be implemented, since mobile communication plays a pivotal role in our lives.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, mobile
phone
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usage
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 is responsible for many mishaps in socialising, crowded
area
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areas
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. When somebody is
on
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in
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 a
conversation
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 with another person at the other end of the
phone
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, it is quite natural to be
oblivient
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oblivious
 to the immediate surrounding.
For example
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, falling into drains, bumping
on to
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into
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 other
people
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 had occurred while walking,
deeply
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and deeply
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 engaged in a cellphone
conversation
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.
In addition
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,
people
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 are having poor social interaction due to the fact that they are always distracted by the
conversation
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 on
the
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their
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 mobile. Back when
the
Correct article usage
apply
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mobile
phone
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 was not in use,
people
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 share
Correct your spelling
heartwarming
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heart warming
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heartwarming
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, insightful
conversation
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 while they hang around in bustling city areas. Wouldn't
this
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 kind of interaction relieve the stress of waiting?
This
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 is because the person who is waiting beside you would
also
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 relate to
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 emotions
such
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 as frustration for waiting etc. .
Therefore
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 restricting mobile use would help in
re-establishment
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the re-establishment
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 of social spirit in shared spaces.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, mobile phones
has
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have
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 incorporated
to
Change preposition
into
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 our daily life and work. It has turned into a time, no one can afford in missing a call, because it would be
a
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an
show examples
 urgent or important one.
For example
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, a call might be from your children before they take up a dangerous stunt, and not answering would lead them to harm themselves. In conclusion, Mobile
usage
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 in outside areas had led to accidents and
people
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Add a missing verb
have been
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been
Wrong verb form
being
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 distant
to
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from
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 each other.
Therefore
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,
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usage
Replace the word
users
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 should be restricted, but banning would cause more harm
,
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apply
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 since
mobile
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the mobile
show examples
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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 is playing a very important role in our lives.
Submitted by ghm_day on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Disrupt
  • Infringe
  • Social rudeness
  • Public transport
  • Necessity
  • Convenience
  • Emergencies
  • Personal freedom
  • Designated areas
  • Compromise
  • Context
  • Advocating
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