IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

old people get board after retirement. Explain the cause and solutions?

Many countries set
Use synonyms
retirement
Correct article usage
a retirement
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 of above 60 years as it is thought that elderly
people
Use synonyms
 cannot produce effective work as younger generations. Recent studies showed that the vast majority of ancients have significant disabilities which make them unable to work at
this
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 results in
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 responsibilities and leads them to get bored. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, we will discuss the causes
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
of this
show examples
 problem and how to solve it.
People
Use synonyms
 who are retired generally have
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 responsibilities during the day. They are used to
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 for
maximum
Add an article
a maximum
show examples
 of 16 hours.
This
Linking Words
 means after
retirement
Use synonyms
, they spare around 16 hours
as
Change preposition
of
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
free
time
Use synonyms
. The main issue is when these times are not planned well.
For instance
Linking Words
, doctors who are used to
treat
Wrong verb form
treating
show examples
 patients for many hours in the hospital, after
retirement
Use synonyms
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have nothing else to do except
sitting
Wrong verb form
sit
show examples
 at home if they don’t plan their
time
Use synonyms
. Another reason
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
for this
show examples
 boredom is that many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
elderly
people
Use synonyms
 have been already diagnosed with at least a chronic illness
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which could
limits
Change the verb form
limit
show examples
 their activities. They are no longer able to perform certain activities. To point out, elderly
people
Use synonyms
 who are diagnosed with osteoarthritis are unable to do some exercises like jogging.
Finally
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 at
this
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
 lose their interest in previously loved hobbies. As per researchers,
this
Linking Words
 is quite common with
this
Linking Words
 generation. An example of
this
Linking Words
,
many
Add a missing verb
is many
show examples
 famous footballers lost their interest in playing the game when reached
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
above
Change preposition
of
show examples
 40 and they no longer interested to practice football.
Fix the agreement mistake
Lifestyles
show examples
Lifestyle
Correct article usage
The lifestyle
show examples
 needed after
retirement
Use synonyms
 should be properly planned for many years before
retirement
Use synonyms
. One of the most important solutions to get rid of boredom after
retirement
Use synonyms
 is to save money before
retirement
Use synonyms
. Saving money will assist the older person to create his own
Correct your spelling
business
buisness
Correct your spelling
business
.
This
Linking Words
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 them to spend their free
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
making more and more money. An example of
this
Linking Words
, A lawyer who retired one year ago
is
Correct word choice
and is
show examples
 now busy managing his own bakery. Another essential method to engage themselves in free
time
Use synonyms
 is
schedule
Fix the infinitive
to schedule
show examples
certain
Correct article usage
a certain
show examples
Use synonyms
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 a day to practice their lovely activities starting from pre-
retirement
Use synonyms
 and continued. A musician in Greece named Yanni is still playing his
musics
Change the wording
music
kinds of music
pieces of music
show examples
 in concerts even after his
retirement
Use synonyms
. To
summaries
Replace the word
summarise
show examples
, elderly
people
Use synonyms
 easily get bored after
retirement
Use synonyms
. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
, There are numerous ideas that can be implemented by them in order to use their
time
Use synonyms
 and get rid of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
boredom. Prior planning for
retirement
Use synonyms
 is one of the most effective ways to avoid loss of interest after job withdrawal.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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