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Writing Samples
Band 6

SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT VIOLENCE ON TELEVISION AND IN COMPUTER GAMES HAS A DAMAGING EFFECT ON THE COCIETY. OTHERS DENY THAT THESE FACTORS HAVE ANY SIGNIFICANT INFLUENCE ON PEOPLE’S BEHAVIOUR. WHAT IS YOUR OPINION ?

#people #violence #television #computer #games #effect #cociety #factors #influence #people’s #behaviour
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Nowadays,
violence
Use synonyms
 on social
media
Use synonyms
is become
Change to the active voice
becomes
has become
show examples
 more common. While some individuals
Correct your spelling
argue
agree
agrue
Correct your spelling
argue
 that these trends will
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
bring dangerous consequences, others believe that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will not affect how
people
Use synonyms
 act. In my opinion,
violence
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
media
Use synonyms
 does bring a tremendous impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 each
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, I think
people
Use synonyms
 often try to copy what they have seen
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
media
Use synonyms
 or their favourite characters’ actions, especially children.
Violence
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
media
Use synonyms
 these days is very common and children can
accidently
Correct your spelling
accidentally
 see it and
then
Linking Words
 they try to copy the actions that do harm to others,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can increase the rate of juvenile delinquency.
Secondly
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 can be easily obsessed so when they incidentally see
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
 videos or images, they can afraid and start to
Correct your spelling
avoid
aviod
Correct your spelling
avoid
 strangers.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some believe that youth crime is not related to
violence
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
media
Use synonyms
. There are numerous reasons behind the aggressive and the characteristic that want to control other
people
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of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a child
such
Linking Words
 as they used to be bullied, issue
from
Change preposition
with
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 family and friends.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, individuals who watch
violence
Use synonyms
 in
media
Use synonyms
 can avoid having an
Correct your spelling
argument
agrument
Correct your spelling
argument
 that leads to fighting in real life. When seeing
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
violence
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 can learn how to protect themselves from attack and
Correct your spelling
furthermore
futhermore
Correct your spelling
furthermore
, they can easily recognize the
emotional
Replace the word
emotions
show examples
 of
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Correct your spelling
aggressive
agressive
Correct your spelling
aggressive
people
Use synonyms
 in order to avoid
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them. In conclusion,
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
some
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 that TV and video games that
contains
Change the verb form
contain
show examples
 violent factors
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
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 not affect much on human behaviour
.
Correct quantifier usage
much.
show examples
 I am of the opinion that
violence
Use synonyms
 on TV or video games has a negative
impacts
Correct the article-noun agreement
impact
show examples
 on society
Submitted by wbvovo on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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