SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT VIOLENCE ON TELEVISION AND IN COMPUTER GAMES HAS A DAMAGING EFFECT ON THE COCIETY. OTHERS DENY THAT THESE FACTORS HAVE ANY SIGNIFICANT INFLUENCE ON PEOPLE’S BEHAVIOUR. WHAT IS YOUR OPINION ?

Nowadays,
violence
on social
media
is become
Change to the active voice
becomes
has become
show examples
more common. While some individuals
Correct your spelling
argue
agree
agrue
Correct your spelling
argue
that these trends will
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
bring dangerous consequences, others believe that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
will not affect how
people
act. In my opinion,
violence
on
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in
show examples
media
does bring a tremendous impact
to
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on
show examples
each
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
show examples
.
Firstly
, I think
people
often try to copy what they have seen
from
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on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
media
or their favourite characters’ actions, especially children.
Violence
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
media
these days is very common and children can
accidently
Correct your spelling
accidentally
see it and
then
they try to copy the actions that do harm to others,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
can increase the rate of juvenile delinquency.
Secondly
, some
people
can be easily obsessed so when they incidentally see
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
videos or images, they can afraid and start to
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avoid
aviod
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avoid
strangers.
On the other hand
, some believe that youth crime is not related to
violence
on
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in
show examples
media
. There are numerous reasons behind the aggressive and the characteristic that want to control other
people
of
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in
show examples
a child
such
as they used to be bullied, issue
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
family and friends.
Otherwise
, individuals who watch
violence
in
media
can avoid having an
Correct your spelling
argument
agrument
Correct your spelling
argument
that leads to fighting in real life. When seeing
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
violence
,
people
can learn how to protect themselves from attack and
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furthermore
futhermore
Correct your spelling
furthermore
, they can easily recognize the
emotional
Replace the word
emotions
show examples
of
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Correct your spelling
aggressive
agressive
Correct your spelling
aggressive
people
in order to avoid
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them. In conclusion,
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
some
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
that TV and video games that
contains
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contain
show examples
violent factors
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
not affect much on human behaviour
.
Correct quantifier usage
much.
show examples
I am of the opinion that
violence
on TV or video games has a negative
impacts
Correct the article-noun agreement
impact
show examples
on society
Submitted by wbvovo on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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