IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Some people think local governments should spend money on art projects of major cities. Because these works of art (statues or painting) could make the landscape more attractive. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #governments #money #art #projects #cities #works #statues #landscape
Most
people
 believe that the
government
 need to invest more
money
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
art
 rather than others. In my opinion, I
am agree
Change the verb form
agree
show examples
 the
government
 should look after the major
cities
 by painting some
art
 but
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
also
 need to spend more
money
 on facilities. On the one hand, the main reason why the
government
 should invest
money
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
art
 is
because
Replace the word
that
show examples
 it can develop the
cities
 by making tourist areas.
People
 can visit the place because of the
art
 and
able
Add a missing verb
are able
show examples
 to give a free
promoting
Replace the word
promotion
show examples
 of the city,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can help the economy
growing
Wrong verb form
grow
show examples
 rapidly. When the landscape
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
 more attractive, it can encourage
people
 to spend more time outside rather than inside.
On the other hand
, the
government
 should not just
invested
Change the verb form
invest
be invested
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art
 but
also
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health. In
this
 generation,
people
consuming
Wrong verb form
consume
show examples
 more on eating than exercising.
Gorverment
Correct your spelling
Government
 should organise more events
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 marathons or put more
money
 to build more public exercise facilities or running tracks. It can help
people
 to keep track of their activities without worrying about
money
.
However
, investing in
art
 is good for the
cities
 but
also
 a good public transport system that can help the
cities
 more attractive. In
concluded
Replace the word
conclusion
show examples
,
although
 putting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
 into the
art
 projects of major
cities
, I believe that other investments
are
Change the verb form
are also helping
show examples
also
 help the
cities
 to develop.
Submitted by yumiwong1212123 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: