These days older people who have retired often choose to spend money on them. For example on holiday, rather than save money for their children. Is this a positive or negative development

#people #money #holiday #children #development

Nowadays, it is common practice for retirees to use all their funds for

self

Add a hyphen

self-enjoyment

show examples

enjoyment

instead

of saving and leaving and leaving an inheritance for their

offsprings

Fix the agreement mistake

offspring

show examples

. I think

this

is a positive development because it allows elderly

people

to enjoy the reward of their labour and

also

instill

Correct subject-verb agreement

instills

show examples

the habit of

Correct your spelling

hard work

hardwork

Correct your spelling

hard work

Change preposition

show examples

young folks. One reason why the aged should expend money on things that will benefit them is to allow for

enjoyment

Correct article usage

the enjoyment

show examples

of all the

Correct your spelling

hard work

hardwork

Correct your spelling

hard work

they have done earlier in life.

In other words

, most individuals do not have time for

holidays

during their active

work

years, so all the monies saved from these long years of

work

should be spent on

holidays

, trips and other activities that

brings

Change the verb form

bring

show examples

happiness to them when they retire.

For example

, old

people

going on

holidays

will keep them busy and improve their quality of life. Another plus point why elderly ones should use their pension for

enjoyment

is because it serves as a means of encouragement to young

people

to imbibe the habit of

Correct your spelling

hard work

hardwork

Correct your spelling

hard work

This

form of

enjoyment

in old age becomes a motivation for those who are young and still in active service to enable them

put

Add the particle

to put

show examples

in their best at

work

. As

holidays

and travelling around the world

becomes

Correct subject-verb agreement

become

show examples

a gratification to those who

work

and save money in their early years.

For instance

, these

holidays

reinforce the positive value of

Correct your spelling

hard work

hardwork

Correct your spelling

hard work

in the youth. In conclusion, I think the elderly should spend money on things that make them happy

instead

of setting the finances aside for children.

This

is because the

enjoyment

is a reward for their Labour and it

also

encourages young

people

work

hard.

Submitted by beansola on Mon Oct 10 2022

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

282 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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These days older people who have retired often choose to spend money on them. For example on holiday, rather than save money for their children. Is this a positive or negative development

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

People have different job expectations for jobs. Some people prefer to do the same job for the same company, whereas others prefer to change jobs frequently. Write about advantages and disadvantages of each view point?

Doing an enjoyable activity with a child can develop better skills and more creativity than reading. To what extent do you agree? Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer. IELTS Essay Sample Answer (1)

Many people today buy ready-made food rather than spending time cooking. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Part 2 In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by fast food. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main sbjects. other believe it is more important to give all their time and attendtion to studying for qualifications. discuss both these views and give your own opinion.