IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

These days older people who have retired often choose to spend money on them. For example on holiday, rather than save money for their children. Is this a positive or negative development

#people #money #holiday #children #development
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Nowadays, it is common practice for retirees to use all their funds for
self
Add a hyphen
self-enjoyment
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enjoyment
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instead
Linking Words
 of saving and leaving and leaving an inheritance for their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
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. I think
this
Linking Words
 is a positive development because it allows elderly
people
Use synonyms
 to enjoy the reward of their labour and
also
Linking Words
instill
Correct subject-verb agreement
instills
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 the habit of
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
hard work
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
on
Change preposition
in
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 young folks. One reason why the aged should expend money on things that will benefit them is to allow for
Use synonyms
enjoyment
Correct article usage
the enjoyment
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 of all the
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Correct your spelling
hard work
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
 they have done earlier in life.
In other words
Linking Words
, most individuals do not have time for
holidays
Use synonyms
 during their active
work
Use synonyms
 years, so all the monies saved from these long years of
work
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 should be spent on
holidays
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, trips and other activities that
brings
Change the verb form
bring
show examples
 happiness to them when they retire.
For example
Linking Words
, old
people
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 going on
holidays
Use synonyms
 will keep them busy and improve their quality of life. Another plus point why elderly ones should use their pension for
enjoyment
Use synonyms
 is because it serves as a means of encouragement to young
people
Use synonyms
 to imbibe the habit of
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
hard work
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
.
This
Linking Words
 form of
enjoyment
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 in old age becomes a motivation for those who are young and still in active service to enable them
put
Add the particle
to put
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 in their best at
work
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. As
holidays
Use synonyms
 and travelling around the world
becomes
Correct subject-verb agreement
become
show examples
 a gratification to those who
work
Use synonyms
 and save money in their early years.
For instance
Linking Words
, these
holidays
Use synonyms
 reinforce the positive value of
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
hard work
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
 in the youth. In conclusion, I think the elderly should spend money on things that make them happy
instead
Linking Words
 of setting the finances aside for children.
This
Linking Words
 is because the
enjoyment
Use synonyms
 is a reward for their Labour and it
also
Linking Words
 encourages young
people
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
 hard.
Submitted by beansola on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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